A hard night –

I will not say that I would’ve awakened tomorrow, feeling that the world had been saved.  There is too much going on now in this country that cannot be solved by rhetoric and bailouts.  But I would not have had the dark feeling I have now, that very rough times are ahead.  Those of us who are small business people, who have worked so hard to make our way, and might actually have had some success?  I believe that we will now be treated as though we had no right to try and do well.  The independent spirit that has been America from the beginning seems to me about to be extinguished.  The middle class will be under fire, and where it has been hard for us lately to keep our heads above water, I believe that we are about to be smothered and drowned.

Everything I have read about socialist principles point to a bad end.  I don’t want to live by them.  I don’t want to be forced to live by them.  But I am now the enemy, as I have been told over and over again over the last two years’ campaigning.  In the eyes of the party that is ascendent, I am an ignorant, mean spirited selfish middle class leach on society.  I am supposed to love Nascar, whatever that is.  I take from the poor and never serve my neighbor.  I am white middle class males. I am heterosexual.  I suppose I am a racist—even though I was startled tonight to realize that Mr. O is a person of color*—simply because I didn’t want a democrat to win.  I am a person of religion. I eat romaine lettuce. I do not live in New Orleans. I bought a house I could afford and don’t run up my credit cards. I am proud of the flag. I have a college degree and a savings account.  I guess I should be ashamed.

The man now driving the bus knows nothing about administration, is naive about those who want our ruin, sees so many of us as ignorant people who cling to the base elements of life, among which are religion.  I am chilled.  Not surprised.  But sick at heart.

Funny that my admiration for Mr. McCain was awakened at the moment of his loss.  His speech was gentle, honest, substantial.  He spoke of being the servant of the country he loves.  I had never seen him so clearly as I did when he said these things.  But the man chosen—his wife has never been proud of our country; he is a man who has constantly harped on the need for change, as if there were nothing to us before he came along – 

Well, change is not always good.  And change isn’t what I would have identified as our first need.  Honesty, honor, good sense, a willingness to take responsibility, to sacrifice, hard work, a realistic understanding of what it takes to build a sweet and solid life, and faith in God—what I’m talking about is a return to the values that built this country in the first place.  And that is evidently not where we are headed.

So I’m sad tonight.  I see rough times ahead.  They were coming anyway, but I’d rather have had someone I trust leading us.  God help Mr. Obama.  I guess I will have to pray that there is more to him than fancy rhetoric – more than has met my eye.

*P.S. – To make myself clear: I never thought of Mr. Obama as black.  Even at this moment, I do not see color.  After listening to him, I have thought of him as effete, patronizing, winking over our heads at others like him, with their money and their connections—and way over his youthful and untried head.  Now, I have to think of him as President of the free world.  I was so hoping that I could find someone I could depend on in my own blindness.