Avoiding the question ~

Here is a lovely and terrifying thing: my first baby turns thirty today.  This makes her a full-fledged human grown up.  And what does it make me?

I will put up a picture later, but for now, may I say that my life has never been the same from the moment I held her in my arms and realized that I had done something far more momentous and far-reaching than I had ever in this life imagined.  And that I wasn’t sure that I didn’t want to take it all back.

If I had known how remarkable and difficult and amazing the job I had just hired myself for was going to turn out to be – how exhausting and heart wringing and creative and satisfying and frustrating and terrifying and glorious, and dear and complicated – I don’t think I’d have had the courage to sign on.  Good thing we have no true vision of the future when we’re young.

Because having this child in my life has given me everything I’ve got.  In that, I’m speaking of all my kids.  But it’s my first girl’s birthday, and it’s to her I write in this moment.  When I say that, if I were to die, I’d  know that  I was leaving the family in capable, loving hands—it means that things turned out beautifully, in spite of my complete lack of just about everything that might predict such a lovely end.

I love you, baby.  And I put out my hand to lead you over the threshold of your womanhood.  Just another club we both belong to now.  I couldn’t think of better company.

—–=0=—–

It’s been a rough month.  I need to write out some things – like my disappointment in higher education.  And the  wild ride of remodeling.  And the wearying state of our politics – about which I waxed so brilliant when I was at the barn yesterday, I could hardly stand working next to myself.  And the quality of mercy, which, unstrained, sometimes falls from places much closer than the heavens.

I have a tribute to put together.  It won’t mean much to many of you, being about an animal we have loved  and known for a dozen years.  It won’t mean anything to folks who haven’t felt a connection with animals in their lives. But it will mean something to me, and so I will do it.  And I will cry doing it.  But not this morning.  Not yet.

It’s freezing this morning (that’s really big news – wait, did somebody actually make a sarcasm punctuation mark??  Yes.  They did.  But they charge you $1.99 to download it.  Huh.  So I’m making up my own.  From now on, @@ means sarcasm.  So let me rephrase – that’s really big news @@) and G is sick, and I’m prepared for my lesson.  So I’m going to just give you a couple of things I liked this week:

1.  Lindy is always so thoughtful about recognizing what strengths you may have in you, and using them well.  I’ve been enjoying her series of posts about the discovery of art in her life from the beginning.  I love her conclusions about awakening the eyes and imaginations of children.

2. Rachel does a great Pie Crust for Dummies tutorial.  Two parts to it.  Worth bookmarking.  Even if you don’t cook.

3.  G likes to read a guy whose site is called “Pajamas Media”— the insta-pundit section where this guy, who seems to have nothing else to do in his life, gathers together the absurd and amazing political notes of the day, leaning to the conservative (which I do, too, generally).  A sort of clearinghouse of the: Really?  Really? @@.  A lovely repository for those needing material on either side of our evidently two-sided political system.

Anyway.  He found this .  And every time I watch it, I’m rollin’ –

Enjoy.