I had forgotten.
We built this house about thirty two years ago. We had a friend general contract, but his wife was having a rough pregnancy, and in the end, we were the generals. The most significant memory: driving by the foundation every day for three weeks, each one of those days, expecting the plumber to show up.
He never did. We ended up having to hire a different guy, a charming, rasty Australian who informed us that garbage disposals are actually called “groinders.”
Fast forward: today.
The first day of work on our new room was supposed to be a week ago. Here’s a little piece of the letter I wrote to our general today:
I am SO DANG FRUSTRATED. The digging/tree guy didn’t show last Wednesday. Guy called and scheduled him for Friday at one- but he came way late. In the two hours he ended up working, he did a swell job removing the gate. He pulled one of the three huge branches off that huge, leggy old tree we’re taking out – just pulled the branch down with his back hoe. Unfortunately, that’s the branch that keeps the tree balanced so it doesn’t just fall over and crash into the house.
But that was all he did. He was GONE on the stroke of five o’clock, so he evidently knows how to tell
time. He left without a single word to us. Not “check out the job,” or “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
I expected him back the next day, even though it was Saturday. He’d hardly started the job. We sort of waited around for him. We can’t put the puppies out—if he shows up when we’re not paying attention, and they get out the open gates, we’re out several hundred dollars and several hundred hours of house training.
But we shouldn’t have worried. He never did show up. All we have to prove that he’s been here at all is the giant backhoe in the backyard, the dead mile long tree branch, and a little bit of a hole. Oh, and the huge dump truck/trailer rig he left parked ACROSS MY DRIVEWAY ; I can’t get cars in or out of the garage. Including the Suburban – which is the car I use if a horse comes down sick, which they tend to do ONLY when you really, really don’t want them to. So if there’s an emergency, I’m in real trouble.
I figured he’d show up Monday. We worked on Monday. You probably did too. But did the guy show up? No. Did he call? No. Same thing—I waited around all day, terrified that he’d show up the second I let the puppies out. Which I kind of have to do if I want to shower. Or feed the horses. Or run an errand. Is it must me? Or is there a pattern here?
I tried to call him on his cell – but he didn’t answer his phone. Hmmmmmm.
So is he going to show up today? It’s now almost noon – no show. I called again and the dude finally answered—
Me: “Like, are you coming???? EVER???”
Him: Little country-boy chuckle.
Me: “I thought you might come Saturday. But you didn’t. We should have been finished by Friday. Today’s Tuesday. Why didn’t you come yesterday?”
Him: “Ummm, I guess something came up.”
(I am now screaming inside my head. SOMETHING CAME UP?????????????????????)
I say. “Well, are you coming today?”
Him: “Yeah. But later.”
Me: “I really need to get this done. And you left your five hundred ton rigacross my driveway. It’s a huge problem.”
Him: “Uh. I didn’t know that was somewhere you needed to get in and out of.”
(Even at this point, I am still being very polite. If this guy were one of my kids, his skin would be hanging on the fence, and I’d be braiding little strips of it into something useful.)
Me: “I kind of have to know when you’re going to be here. I have to put the dogs out. I have to (watch you and make sure you don’t completely destroy my house) be here when you’re working.”
Him: “You want me just to call and tell you when I’m coming?”
Me: (forehead against the wall) “I need you to get here and finish the job. When are you coming today?”
Him: “Um. Later. About one o’clock. Or two. Or three.”
Me: “You’re only going to work on my place for two hours?”
Him: “Sorry.”
(The edges of my teeth are beginning to ache. )
Me: “I need you to get here and get this finished. This tree is almost leaning on my house. It’s way off balance. I’m actually praying for no wind while it’s off balance like that. Do you really feel confident that you can handle these huge, forever long branches that are all intertwined with the other trees? And hanging right over my house?“
Him: “Ummm. I think so.”
Ummmm – do you think we really hired the right guy??????
In the end, he did show up. At three. The very stroke of three. And he got to work no more than fifteen or twenty minutes after that. He pulled down the rest of the branches with the back hoe, and did not break any windows, or the house, or anything. So that was good. He was a very nice guy. And when he pulled out the big tree trunk, the hole in the yard got bigger. Which it was supposed to. Which is good. An no puppies got lost or squished. Even though keeping them in the house – even for the two hours – is obnoxious beyond belief. So we’ll see. Maybe he’ll show up tomorrow and dig the hole. Then he’ll be done with us. Which will also be good. And if I meet him in some other part of my life, I will remember that he was nice and came on Wednesday and finished the job and everybody was happy.
If he shows up.
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