~:: Treasures and Frippery ::~

First off – if any of you are interested in my books and want news about new things happening with those, please “like” my Facebook author page.  There’s a little box in the sidebar that allows you to do that without going to Facebook.  That’s how I’ll keep in touch with folks who want to read my stuff.

Second – I know I don’t post helpful tutorials; all I do is drag out pictures of stuff already done. But I’m always inspired by pictures of fun things. Ideas spark when I look at the way other people put things together.  So I hope nobody minds.

Here, I start with surprises: one day A BOX CAME UNEXPECTEDLY.  And when I opened it, I saw this –

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I’d seen the return address, so I pretty much knew who it was coming from: my dear Donna, teacher extraordinaire!

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She had sent me her Petunia, a bird-sized bit of pert face and marvelous legs.  Just out of nowhere, for no real reason.  Petunia has presided over my dining room from her perch on the sideboard ever since.

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And this dear little fox girl – her name is Faith, and I am reminded of her creator every time I think of it.  She has family here and is much loved.  She came from love.

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And this – this was presented to me by a young man of great talent.  He and his brother had made it with their mom, just for me.  Lovely texture.  Lovely color and movement.  But these boys know the wild world in an intimate way so few children these days ever get a chance to do.  I was so honored and delighted when they put this in my hands – which they did, I will always remember, on a very windy day.

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This, I made for a bosom friend.  I haven’t made very many gift quilts.  I’m way too greedy to give them away.  But I did make two of these flannel guys.  One was for a friend of Gin and Cam’s who’d lost her mom to cancer in her last years of childhood.  She asked me for a graduation quilt, and so I made her one.  It was musical.  This is not musical.  It’s horsical, for a horse woman.  The design is simple, and the top worked up quickly.  The applique was simple and machine stitched.  Warm flannel quilted over wool bat.  I will always love mixed plaids.

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Oh, and it’s catical too.

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This quilt is part of a series.  For some reason, for two years in a row, I insanely yielded to the impulse to make each of my four children a quilt for Christmas.  The first year’s ones were denim, and I’ll put a picture of one of those up some time.  The denim was harvested from decades’ worth of our old jeans, which made them fun.

This was the second year: flannel.  After those first couple of flannel quilts I swore I’d never work with the stuff again, it’s so stretchy.  But I did, and I have and I will, because they make for ease of cuddling.  This block design also works up quickly – when you know how to cut and sew in strips, you cut your work time down immeasurably.

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But the real charm of these quilts was the border quilting.  I did it on my table top machine  – and they were nap sized quilts – so it wasn’t impossible.  But I did learn that you really, really have to keep your machine oiled if you expect the bobbin thread to actually catch the top thread when you are trying to finish up four quilts three days before Christmas.

Okay – having books published is cool.  Addressing big audiences and making them laugh is cool.  But here is possibly the most satisfying moment of my life: I waited, Christmas Eve, for those kids to fall asleep.  It took forever.  Then I snuck in and put these quilts across the foot of each bed.  The quilting in the borders – it was all writing.  I quilted in the private jokes, their signature phrases, pictures of the things they loved – it was a stitched-in portrait of each young life.  And love.  I stitched love.

When I woke up on Christmas morning, there they all were, dancing around my room with these quilts.  I took a shower and got ready for the great Going Downstairs – when I came out of the dressing room, all my kids were sitting together in a pile on our bed, reading their quilts – with obvious relish.  I just stood there and watched them, amazed – and I will never forget it.  Not if I live an eternity.  Which I will.

A quilt is kind of a big thing.  It doesn’t take big things to produce moments like this.  It only takes cherishing and speaking.  You see them, and you let them know that you see them, and you love what you see.  In a human lifetime, there are few enough times when someone communicates clearly how much you mean to them.  Knowing that, I try to do it.  I try to make sure it happens for the ones I love.  Even with nothing but a tiny thing.  A sandwich made to order – without my having to ask what to put on it.  You can’t always get loved.  But you can always always give it.

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This is another of the pillow cases I made another Christmas.  You’ve seen Gin’s lizard.  I still have to chase down Cam’s wolf.  And wait – Murphy had penguins.  Did he?  Am I remembering right?  I’ve got to ask him.  but this was Chaz’ fox.

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They’re a little ratty now, from the washing.  And as you can see this close in, I always applique with a tiny blanket stitch.  I pulled the shapes off Google images, reduced photographed animals to line in photoshop, and that was my pattern.  Except I made up the bunny.

I don’t know why I used to do this to myself – pushing myself into these Christmas projects.  It made my life bedlam.  But I don’t regret it.  Now, I just do picture books and stuff.  But it’s nice to have these things still around.  Like breadcrumbs to follow, leading me back to times that are only memory now.  Oh, I have come a varied journey.  But well worth the taking.  And well worth the giving.

Posted in A little history, Fun Stuff, Making Things, Pics of Made Things | Tagged , , , , | 22 Comments

~:: FHE at Ginger’s ::~

First of all, if you want to see one of the most beautiful sunsets that ever hung itself to dry over our lake I am sending you here (the amazing Ginger) and here (the brilliant Marilyn). Because I DIDN’T SEE IT. I was too busy moping limply on the couch to look through the window. So I send it to you so that YOU will have seen it.

My friend, Ginger, is one of the most generous, wonderful people I’ve ever known. We’ve been friends since she was Peeseblossom and I was Puck in our indie/slashed-denim theater production of Midsummer Night’s Dream, played out under the huge pines of Pioneer Park back in 1975 or so. (Were you even born then?) Ginger collects people the way magnets pick up iron shavings – and hugs them just about that close.

Last night, she had Rachel’s Fam and what children I could round up of my own up to her house for a Gluten-free (mostly – thank you, the bread-challenged Murph) barbecue and a Family Home Evening (the Monday tradition of LDS families). She lives (as you will have guessed from her pictures of the sunset) on the shoulder of a mountain, overlooking EVERYTHING. And here are the pictures:

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In Ginger’s happy kitchen.  One of her many loves, goddaughter, Vic, works on the sweet rice.

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Another of Ginger’s dear friends, Dion, discovered in the back of a bus in Japan.  Ginger just finds wonderful people.

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In the living room.

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Shrimp.  I hardly ever eat it, but I ate these!

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Our Laura – and if you look low enough, you see Murphy connecting up the propane tank.  I didn’t know he knew how to do it.  Then, I really, really hoped he knew how to do it – because the very next moment, they fired up the grill.

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Watching the artist at work.

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Rachel and Henny Penny.

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Rachel, loved by M.

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Brian, loving M loving Rachel.  Who doesn’t look altogether sure they aren’t crazy.

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M pirated the camera.  And this is the first shot he took.  What a surprise.

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People kept taking pictures of us because we had the sun at our backs, so our hair lit up like optical fiber.

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Mr. M, Rachel’s – umm, wait – one, two three – 4th son.  And Henny.

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Who seems to be sinking.

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Yep.  Definitely sinking.  And her brother hasn’t noticed a thing.  What if she was being swallowed by a python – that will very soon thereupon look just like a hat.

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Ginger is beautiful.  Everything about her is beautiful.  Even the way she disagrees with me, which she will do very shortly after this shot was taken.  I took this one.  M didn’t.

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But he did take this.

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Eating grilled portabella (sp?) mushrooms and shrimp and hamburgers. YAY!  We had a lesson taught by young Mr. C, and songs – with spontaneous dancing from young quarters.  And a lovely family prayer.  Then continued the games.

Doesn’t it look like summer?  But oy – another twenty three minutes, and that sun disappears behind the mountains across the lake.  And then the air moves swiftly down through the canyons, so that we sit swathed in borrowed jackets and blankets, still enjoying the company.  The air was just short of chill, and smelled deliciously of wild pine.

Then it was over.  Hugs and thanks and tired children piling into cars.  The cars are parked carefully, there on the mountain’s side.  Henny climbs in with me, and we drive down into the valley having solemn girl talk about brothers and horses and all kinds of things.  And that was all.  Just a lovely evening provided by a dear and lovely friend.

THE END

Posted in A little history, Family, friends, HappyHappyHappy, Rachel, The kids, The outside world | Tagged , , , , , | 22 Comments

~:: At the Farm, sort of ::~

Okay, so I’m trying to get back in the saddle here.  Found myself with only my phone to shoot with.  It was Work Yourself to Death Out in The Sun day.  I put up the rest of our fencing.  Took down the horse jail and reamed it out (a winter’s worth of – rich material).  We got the tractor running (we, meaning G), dropped the tines on the box scraper and plowed up the after-winter almost packed into cement surface of the arena.  Then we irrigated for the first time this year – only a month and a half later than usual – which means we had to check all the gates for about a mile, turn on the water, and wait to see if the whole thing worked.  Which it did.

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Scoots, helping with the tractor business.

While I was waiting for the water, I succumbed to Earthboy’s J’s teasing and decided to fluff up my rowdy equine crew.  J was gently objecting to the several layers of fairy knots in certain people’s manes – so bad, it was like undoing the Gordian Knot.  But I had a few hours to kill and decided to make it a horse day.  Here, I show off the results: silky, knotless manes and tails.

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Hickory, examining what is a rarely used tool around here – a rubber coat brush.  Note the conditioner on the rail – I had to use it to unglue the knot.  I call them fairy knots – what they really are is wind-tied knots in the fine hair of the mane.  They’re amazing. The wind braids the locks, twisting them together like you’d do with your fingers, then braids and twists the braids together, sometimes looping them over and through.  Very complex.  Dustin still has his.   Just one big clump on him and one big clump on Hickory.  The rest of the mane was simply unbrushed.

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But here is the result.  A little proportion odd, but a lovely young horse, eh?  He has a beautiful soft eye.

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Zion wouldn’t let me shoot his mane.  He insisted on frisking me for treats and when I wouldn’t pay up, he got huffy and went to see if G had any.  You will note, I hope, the jazzy, swishy, completely brushed flow of the tail.

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And that’s all we’re going to get to see.

There.  Only a day late and a couple of bucks short.

Posted in Horses, Images of our herd in specific, The g-kids | Tagged , , , , , , | 30 Comments

~:: vita interruptus ::~

I figured out how to explain it.  You know, that thing that happens when you get home from vacation and walk back into your house, and suddenly, don’t remember who you used to be when you lived there?  Or a week or two of Special Events or Troubling Aberrations will do the same thing.  Which is presently my case.

I have lost track of my vector.  The vector I keep in my head.

You are blinking.  Why are you blinking?  A vector: a graphical representation of any force having magnitude, direction and a point of application.

You are still blinking.  Okay: look.

Graphical representation: a picture or graph.
Point of application – the place my hand is when I begin to sling the thing.
Direction – you know what that is.
Magnitude – REALLY FAST AND really HARD

The broken glass has no relevance to this discussion.  Maybe to the last post.  (I have to explain to you that I memorized this definition in Mr. Hanson’s ninth grade science class in Hartsdale, New York, and I never have forgotten it.)

In other words, after the refrigerators are exchanged and the health insurance is replaced and M comes home and Char leaves and I have half set up the new book site, all of my life-staples seek to sink back into a state of normalcy – BUT, I find that I have lost my sense of forward movement.  Which step is next?  Where did I leave off?  Loose ends – I know they’re there, but I totally forget how to find them.  Lost my point of application.  Lost my direction.  Certainly lost the magnitude.  Spinning on the ground like a ground bloom flower.

So, in honor of not being sure what it was I was supposed to be doing,  I’m going to show you random pictures from the last couple of months.

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Chaz in her tailor-made Organization Thirteen (yeah, I don’t know what that is, either) coat.

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The early spring yard after two days without rain (back in May), early morning.

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Out the bedroom window.

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Looks like the same shot over and over – but it’s actually just the same yard.

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The storm clouds that watered all that green.

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These clouds are up above the lake where the sky is wide and wild.

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I think I posted this before: The Dog Who Looks Up.  I do not call him the dog THAT looks up because he is a person, not a thing.  He is hunting birds, butterflies and anything else that flies.

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Actually, I’m surprised he doesn’t trip and end up on his face, he’s always so focussed on the sky.

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See?

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Chaz.  I don’t know who this character is, but I think it suffers regular angst.  One tough, scary cookie.

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Yeah.  You can put the tough on the girl, but you can’t hide the silly inside.

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Tough character baby talking a dog.  I was trying to catch that dog’s tongue, but I missed.

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Our ancient tulips.  I have a story to tell about them.  But not today.

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When I come home from the pasture, I swing around the corner into the neighborhood, and sometimes the sky is so amazing, I have to stop, open the door of the Suburban, then hanging half out of it, clinging to the roof, try to capture what I’ve seen.  See the clouds at the very top of the mountain?  Sometimes what look like clouds are actually ice particles and snow, whipped off the peaks by the wind and sent hundreds of feet into the air.

And that’s the end.           Life continued tomorrow –

Posted in Fun Stuff, Images, Seasons, The kids, The outside world, whining | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 33 Comments

~:: So Where’s Your Helmet? ::~

Murph comes home tonight, very late.  We aren’t picking him up at the airport; his betrothed is.  She’ll drop him off.  I’m determined to wait up, but will probably be draped ignominiously across my computer, here on the couch.  Maybe snoring.  I hope not.

Today, the carpet cleaner came.  He was a perky guy in a baseball hat, and his technique leaves no residue.  We hit it off as he was spraying enzymes on the carpet in the new room.  And in the course of conversation he said something really amazing.

“I am an optimist disguised as a pessimist who is actually a realist.”

He said he’d gotten it from a movie.  Wherever he got this idea, the second it hit me, I rang like a bell.  THAT IS TOTALLY ME.

Gin’s husband, Kris, laughs at me – pretty openly – about always anticipating the worst.  Okay – if YOU had seen coyotes casually trotting across their street and disappearing into the wild sage mess that covers their entire wilderness neighborhood, wouldn’t you get a little weird about letting the kids go outside?  Or if somebody warned you to be careful, walking the trails through that area because of rattlesnakes – and you actually say, “What if there’s a rattlesnake?” would you expect to be the butt of your son-in-law’s hilarity?

Yeah.  I thought not.  So the men in my life generally think I worry too much.  Like, I always made the kids were seatbelts and helmets and made sure my teenage girls had cel phones with them when they were driving at night.  Stuff like that.  Wild, huh?  And I warned them about smoking and drugs and people who think shoplifting is fun.  I know how weird that must sound to my menfolk, but – oh well.  Overprotective.  That’s me.

One thing I do: when I hear about something bad that happens to somebody, I don’t say, “Hey, that happens to one in ten-thousand people.”  I figure, if bad things can happen to other people, then they can happen to me.  It’s not like I’m better that other people, or magically protected or something.  I mean – the person it happened to didn’t get up in the morning and say, “I bet I get hit by a car today, because I’m just that kind of person.”  Or, “Hey – I’ve got to remember that assault I’m scheduled for after I go grocery shopping at Target tonight after the session.”  Which is what happened to a violin player who came into the studio the next day for a session and told us about it.  Some crazy guy on drugs.  She was just in the wrong random place at the wrong random time.

In real life, bad stuff sometimes happens.  But not very often.  Unless you make the kind of choices that put you in the way of bad stuff, like hanging out at dives after midnight on the weekend.  (An emergency room nurse friend of ours filled us in on the regular results of that scene.)

All of this said, yeah – the first thing a mother does when she walks into a room is check it out for all the age-appropriate dangers.  Then, armed, she knows what to be watching for out of the corner of her eye.  It’s our JOB not to assume that everything’s going to automatically be just dandy.  Because when you are in charge of kids (or horses – or puppies), you know that dandy is NOT business as usual.

But forewarned is forearmed.  And the non-mother audience, having blithely lived through the same moments without experiencing any alarm – because the MOTHER has anticipated and cut off at the pass all possible emergencies – goes away with the assumption that peace and safety and orderly life are the natural way of things.  In other words, the non-worriers are spoiled.  Protected.  Lulled into a naivite that borders on irresponsible thinking.  Which is why it can be very dangerous to leave a child with a non-mother of any kind.

I knew a woman once who explained that she could not leave her children with her husband for even a little while.  She tried it once, left him with the baby in the bathtub.  He got a phone call – which he left the baby to answer (????)  and got so wrapped up in the business of the call, forgot the baby entirely.  When she got home, she found the child still in the tub, asleep.  Amazingly, luckily, the drain wasn’t sealing right and the water had disappeared.  “Oh,” her husband said.  “I forgot all about him.”

“She’ll be fine.”  “It’ll be fine.”  “It’s going to be all right.”  People who say these things cannot be trusted.  They are feckless.  They are unacquainted with the rigors of reality.  If they said things like, “Yeah, there’s a possibility that – whatever – could happen, but we’ve checked out the equipment, and somebody will be watching every minute.” then you maybe could trust them.  A little.

So I come off being a pessimist.  Because I anticipate the problems.  Realistic problems.  Not things like alien abduction or meteor collisions.

The thing I have to point out here, is that I DO things.  I go places.  I even fly – which is pretty good, considering some of the stories my father, once the director of a huge airport, has regaled me with over the years.  I take trips and chances and plan things and allow my children to travel half way across the planet.  Because – because seeing potential problems is different than being paralyzed by surety they will happen.

Inside, I believe that everything is going to turn out okay.  While all the time the realist outside of me understands that you can’t ever know that for sure.  I am so completely hopeful inside that I use my outside as a bit of chain mail, a way of preparing my reason for the day when something really does go badly.  I know it can.  I simply hope – hope strongly – that it won’t.  This is a balancing act.

Rachel wrote in her blog not too many weeks ago about prayer – about saying, “Thy will be done.”  It’s the same thing, bowing to fate while all the time keeping your fingers crossed behind your back.  Oh, there are times I wish I were feckless – just barreling along happily on the total assumption that everything will always work out.  But again, without somebody doing a heck of a lot of work in the background, “always” is an incredible leap of naiveté.  And I figure, my job is the background work.

I’m not really going anywhere with this.  Just thinking about what my randomly chosen carpet man said to me this morning.  It was just so gratifying to meet SOMEBODY in this world who knows who I am.  And appreciates it.

Pretty good disguise, huh?

Posted in Epiphanies and Meditations, Explanations, Just talk | Tagged , , | 45 Comments

~:: A Case of Affirmed Identity ::~

Disclaimer

I’ve said it before: thought I’d have huge time drag after the kids left.  Boy, was I wrong.  Genealogy (which is—do not let anybody tell you different—a born addiction that you cannot, hard as you try, deny)  sat in a closet for seven years of so.  That’s because I’d made a deal with it: give me a break while I write a book and I’ll let you out again.  Well, I didn’t get around to the book, so here I am, both the book and the now doorless closet to contend with. (Did I check the probates in the next county over?  Was her middle name really McCauley?  Who was Penelope, anyway?)

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Two very charming researchers I was corresponding with back then, people of Significant Age who, until two days ago I’d have sworn were long gone from this earth – aren’t.  So I’ve renewed those friendships in the last week, and now we’re egging each other on to even fiercer obsession.  (Willard told me about a 7x cousin of his he found once in the 1870 census.  In that census, they had an “occupation” field for each person.  For this particular young man’s occupation, the census taker had entered: “He can’t do anything.”  See why we like this research?)

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Copper Rose, the sure sign of summer –

And I’m building a book website that I know you are just DYING to see.

And the sun has come out, so I need to kill weeds and play with horses.

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At the burger joint with the fam.  G is the photographer.

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And I’m finishing up my knit horse pattern, and planning the wedding luncheon favors I’m going to make for M’s Big Day.

Oh – and the fridge just died.  Or is dying.  Or has been dying for over a week – days before we noticed.  Which has had an adverse effect on our digestion, let me tell you.  Nothing like having to buy a new fridge because you HAVE TO—right NOW.  (Thank you Sears Outlet.)

It never stops.

The river, powerful and compelling as it could be–escaping its banks to wash our house away and fill our space with flotsam and jetsam, would be nothing compared to the barging, burgeoning forward forces of time.

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Here starts the real blog.

I am here to address the continuing question:

Is There Really Any Virtue in Blogging?

You may remember when I wrote about the visit my friends,  Lindy and Greg, paid us on their way down to Baja last year?  That friendship was made purely through Etsy and bloggin’ but turned into a real life, face to face, wanna crash here tonight, now we know your actual voices sort of friendship.

Then yesterday,

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we were delighted to have these blog-found friends, the Earthboys family, drop by on their way north.

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How amazing to see these boys running and playing in MY yard.  With MY dogs.  I’ve seen them so often having adventures at their island farm.

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May I just say how amazing and wonderful it is to finally meet people face to face – people you’ve only written to and read, who turn out to be every inch as loveable and kindred-spirited as you ever thought they’d be?  To be able to throw your arms around someone and watch her in action and find her just as intriguing and kind and amazing as promised?

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I have discovered – in so many corners of the planet – women who amaze me, teach me, fire me up.  Buddies I’d invite to a slumber party any old day.  I dance in the shower of blessings these distant friends let fly.  I defy gravity and shoot up in exhilaration.  What an astonishing turn of history that we could find each other, and care about each other, and bolster each other up this way.

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And it’s not like I’ve amassed a multitude, because I couldn’t really deal honestly with that.  It’s just a handful of fine, intelligent, fabulous friends I’ll keep – even if it’s only in my heart and prayers – for a lifetime.  And so fun to share them with my family and Rachel.

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What this was like in my eyes when I shot it.

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What it was actually like.

So, this is my answer to the question: I’d pretty much have to say that blogging does, indeed, have its virtues.

You bet it does.

Posted in Family, friends, Fun Stuff, HappyHappyHappy, The outside world | 26 Comments

~:: Fleeting Fame ::~

Fun day.  Played with horses.  Woke Chaz up and had a strange conversation.  Went to pick her up but couldn’t find her.  We ran to the opening day of Farmer’s Market and saw some really cool stuff.  No time to buy.  Because we had to go up to the university and be famous for a couple of hours.

It was a GREAT book festival.  I didn’t realize what we were headed into – thinking it was just one of those childrens’ books conventions for grown-ups.  But this really was a festival.  They had the men of the Tabernacle Choir singing, and blue grass bands, and NY Times best selling authors (which were not me – WHY didn’t I write fantasy back in the day????) people in character suits (Tigger, Madeleine, Winnie Ther Poo) and all kinds of booths and balloon benders and TONS of books to buy about all kinds of things.

There were tents for hand crafting and quilting and gardening and genealogy and everything you can think of as far as books are concerned.  There was even a very weird altered-book contest for the arteestic souls: you take a book, and basically destroy it in the process of making it into an artistic statement.  My fave was this gorgeous tiny book about grasses that had been turned into a tiny grow box with the finest blades of book-page grass growing up out of it.

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Actually, I think this is kind of a weird concept.  But what should we have discovered as we perused these strange permutations?  My incipient daughter-in-law had made one out of her very own high school yearbook.  We knew it because of this business card you see on the back – one of a series of designs that includes THE DESIGN SHE MADE FOR ME.  It was my birthday present.  And we gave out dozens of them this morning.

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We started the morning in the crafting tent and got to make a couple of felted wool ornaments – which was very cool.  Then we adjourned to the Book Store Terrace where I was stuck on a panel with five NY Times Best Selling Authors, all of whom I know and want to punch.  No.  Not really.  Two of them were dear friends of ours, and another is considering a manuscript for us at her publishing house.

In such august company, I felt like a humble rabbit.  For about five minutes.  Humility never did keep me from dominating a question and answer period.

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Then we trundled off to sit in the arbor benches where rafts of other authors were already sitting at tables, signing books.  Chaz was my assistant, and she was WONDERFUL.  And if you look carefully at the coupon her phone is holding in place, you will know that we ate a FREE  quarter pound of BYU fudge (which is goooooood) in honor of our being famous.

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A very nice lady who did not buy our book took this picture.  Gotta get something else in print, obviously.

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This is what we stared at the entire time, a big tent full of people listening to Brandon Mull talk about HIS books.  For an hour.  Yeah – not lookin’ at US, now, are they?

Now we are home and waiting for these people:

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to come home from a 100 mile bike race through the west desert.

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“Go west, young man!”

Because I had to download the last two from my phone, I’m going to show you the rest of the shots that have been sitting in the thing.

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Pink snow time came weeks later than usual.

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And a lot of it ended up in puddles.

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This is what I found, driving up to the pasture the other day.  I’d left Hickory and Jetta on the driveway during the afternoon, hoping they’d weed for me.  Here is my colt, greeting me very cheerfully.

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Here is how I found Jetta.  Nose to the pasture gate.  Patiently waiting for it to open.  Probably all day.

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This is not behind our house.  But it is the same river, further upstream.  It doesn’t look like this at the house because there’s no drop or rip-raff behind us to foam it up.  But this water, this power, this urgency you see is almost exactly what we’ve been seeing out of our back windows now for months.  Except it’s even deeper by the time it gets to us.

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This is where the river almost meets a path that’s usually about four feet higher than the water level.

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Wanna take a little swim?

Two weeks or so from now, we’ll know how much snow there really was in them thar mountains.  Hope I don’t wake up some day with my feet wet.

Posted in Fun Stuff, The kids, The outside world, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

I’ll Have Won Tons with That

I have been a busy little person.  I’m preparing something that I’ll show you – maybe next week?  And reading manuscripts and studying code, and all kinds of really brain-breaking things.  I was going to do a random collection of pictures here today, but I’m also now the official New Media maven for the studio and have been farming my Rosewood Recording page hard as I can.  Does that mean I have a part time job?  No.  You’d have to get paid before you could say that.

But I have been goaded into writing today because Chaz and I went to see a movie.  In the theaters.  Not Netflix.  Not On Demand.  The real deal – except maybe we paid matinee prices and we did NOT do 3D.

Laugh if you will, but we just saw the 2nd Kung Fu Panda – and we were utterly blown away by it.  I have written here about How to Train Your Dragon, and my wonder that DreamWorks has departed from the flatulence jokes and movies that are not a whole lot more than strings of gags.  Which does not mean they have abandoned gags altogether – which they never will (and I don’t want them to) – and slap-stick.  But their story lines have grown up, and their new underlying foundation of family and honor and courage and friendship and hard work and sacrifice is solid as a rock.

The movie was funny.  It was great.  We laughed easily and openly, tricked, punned, surprised and delighted.  The characters were complex and interesting.  But as the story progressed, it darkened – in a bearable (no pun intended) and graceful manner – and ended with a tremendous exercise of mercy, honor and triumph.  We wept through the entire end of it.

The artistic elements are stunning.  The opening and the credits are all rendered in traditional Chinese paper silhouette style, elegant and compelling.  The hero is, again, so very approachable that you have to walk away from the story with new faith in your own power to meet life – if he can do it, so can I.  And the music was perfect – I was only aware of it twice, and only to note how beautiful and absolutely organic it was.

I wouldn’t take little kids to this.  As in the other animated movies we’ve seen in last years (not excluding Snow White and Cinderella), there are dark and villainous characters that would have frightened the pants off me as a kid.  And yeah – yeah – I know that kids now have probably, sadly, seen far worse on both large and small screens.  But I wouldn’t make them go through it.  I found this a satisfying and compelling theater experience as an adult, and didn’t have to worry about the kids’ hearts as I did it.

It’s funny, but I find that we just don’t spend much money on live action movies anymore—while we’ve found the animated ones we’ve picked to have been amazing, engaging, charming, moving and satisfying on so many levels.

Anyway, we sat all the way through the credits because the art just continues – and because we were emotionally blown out and still buzzing.

Understand, it’s just the same old heroic story.  But you can tell me that story a million times and I will love it.  The honorable-in-spite-of-being-riddled-with-flaws character whose greatest battle is with himself.

Tolstoy once said that happy families are all the same, but unhappy ones are all unhappy in their own ways.  I think he was totally up in the night.  I think unhappiness is easy – an easy story to tell.  When you watch something like the So You Think You Can Dance auditions, you can see this on stage: young dancers tend to dance their angst, and all those dances look the same – the grabbing of the hair, the clawed hands, the hugging of self, the throwing of the body to the floor.  That stuff is easy, and it palls on the audience quickly.

But when you get a dancer who dances joy, or gratitude, or triumph – then you see complexity – because it isn’t gravity pulling them down to the floor – it’s joy lifting them into amazing flights and leaps, and forcing their arms and chests and faces open.

It’s happiness that is so complex – happiness that is hardest to capture in art – joy that burns like a fire, and honor that is, perhaps, the hardest for someone who is not in the middle of it to explain artistically.  And really, since so much art tends to turn inwards (self-expression), how could it understand the things that abandon the self and turn completely outwards?  I think, in joy and gratitude, we actually vanish – we disappear into light.  We burn with it.  And a fire like that is worth ten thousand words.

So anyway.  There’s my movie review.  Five stars.  News at ten.

Posted in Epiphanies and Meditations, IMENHO (Evidently not humble), Movie reviews | Tagged , , , , , | 19 Comments

~:: Amazing Things ::~

Nothing to do with personal angst.  YAYAYAY!!!!  Instead, I’m writing about yesterday.  And I meant to start with something I was deeply pleased with, but have – after a night of interesting dreams – totally forgotten about.  So I will, instead, begin thus:

My dear Geneva is about to be flooded out of pasture.  It is certain now that the lake is going to start seeping over the dike, and her grass is the first thing it will find when it does.  That is not the only kind of flood she is facing, but it’s the kind we can try to keep from rotting the hay she has left and ruining all of her tack – and when you teach eight students at a time, that’s a lot of dang tack.  The city brought her (to her surprise and gratitude) a mess of sand and bags (which is good because her husband is stuck in London thanks to the Icelandic Volcano eruption, and her truck won’t start).

That’s where the first of the amazing things comes in.  When life is as it should be, we all rally around and pitch in.  A million barns were built at the beginning of this country by crews of neighbors, helping each other.  And we figured, a bit of tack might be saved the same way.

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Remember Rachel who can hardly get off the couch with West Nile?  Yeah, she’s around the corner of the building there, lugging fifty pound filled bags and lining them up just so, a foot from the building.  That’s what she does with her good days.   Here you see two of her sons, with some friends of Rambo (the oldest son – in the green hat) and one of Geneva’s students, already at work.  Geneva had not even gotten there yet (the truck -).

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The Great Mr. C, one of Rachel’s middle kids – slightly built and poetic, and he works like a – yeah – a horse.

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Once Geneva got there, bringing her crew of ten yrs. old and under, they built this fake cow out of huge safety cones and two by fours.  Clever, eh?  This is the creative part of this post.

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But  the bags underneath needed to be manned – they wouldn’t stay open and upright.  And the cow had to be continually milked, as the sand tended to hang up in the – ummm – cones.  So the youngest ones became milkers.

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Here you see the crew.  And they also worked like horses, except horses don’t milk cows.  We were moving fast with this work, the shovels of sand coming and coming – and these three young folks three were managing all of us:  “NUMBER ONE: READY!!  Opps.  Number Two isn’t ready yet.  Oh – now it is!  Number THREE IS FULL.  Wait!!  I SAID it’s FULL!”

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Mr. s C and T – Rachel’s 2nd and 3rd boys – had gotten to the pasture at about one fifteen.  While their older brother and his friends had to keep leaving and coming back (high school graduation day – much to do), and the rest of us did, too, those two boys worked continually till eight o’clock that night.  SEVEN HOURS OF SHOVELING. And I never heard one word of complaint, and neither did Rachel when she ran the afternoon to evening shift.

They were MONSTERS.  They were HEROES.  And don’t you let anybody ever tell you that kids will be kids.  Because they won’t.  Kids will be people some day – and this was one of those days.  But the small red-haired girl on the left up there?  She’s the one who blew me away completely.  She’s four.  Four years old.  Five minutes into this thing, she had her own system for opening the bags (it wasn’t easy), shaking them out, positioning them under the nozzles, and keeping them upright.

She busily tended the bag, stopping us while she milked down the nozzle.  She yelled for a bag carrier when she was full enough, then without a soul saying a word to her, grabbed a new bag, installed it and yelled for sand.

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She knew her business.

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I would have sworn she was twelve.  Or maybe twenty four.

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I’d hire her ANY day.

I didn’t get to photograph the second crew because G and I were babysitting our kids kids’ kids.  That, in itself, is an amazing thing – not that G was babysitting, but that I was (me – the grandmother who gets short of breath at the thought of babysitting). The second crew was Rachel, who came with the rest of her very young crew – Ms. K,  The Great M, and wee J – including Levi, who picked up the work quickly, and never tired.  If there were others, you know – how would I know?

When Rachel called me at eight o’clock that night, Geneva’s friends had finished over 450 bags of sand.  A wall, four bags high.  And a great deal of that work had been done by that crew of twelve and under (plus Mr. T, who is 15, and Mr. C, who is thirteen – mensches, both).  If that doesn’t amaze you, then you have my pity.  Or maybe you just already knew kids could work like this.  And do it cheerfully.

The second thing I am writing about happened after G and I cleaned up grand-kid dinner, after we had danced and sang and messed around with the small ones—then changed diapers and clothes-for-jammies and put two good, tiny little people to bed.

Cam and L use baby monitors.  G and I never had one.  Cam and L, being the media people they are, use video surveillance.  I know I just wrote about this somewhere – but where?  Hmmm.  Back when we were parents, we just stuck kids in bed and assumed they were sleeping.  Silly us.  A good hour and a half later, these two were both still awake.  Scooter had never left his bed – he’d just used every square inch of it, flopping around silently in the dark.  Andy, in her room, was doing jungle gym stuff in her crib.  We wouldn’t have known any of it if we hadn’t seen it happen on screen.

Finally, in a fit of mercy, I went in to the very silent, well-behaved Scoots and whispered another good-night.  “Is there anything I can do for you?” I asked him.  “Yes,” he whispered.  “Tell me,” I said.  This was still in the dark.  “Blow my nose,” he said, very softly.  So I did.  I went out for tissue and blew it.  Then I asked, “But why did you need you nose blown?” And he said, softest of all, “I had been crying.”

Such a tiny, fragile little body – and so much thought crammed into his head.  His words are always very well chosen, formally phrased – except when he’s pitching a fit. And Andy sings.  Sometimes in church, during the prayer.  They are my grandchildren. Thus, I brag about things I’ve had very little to do with cultivating.

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Here is Chaz, who has once again changed the color of her hair.  Now, it’s gray.  This is not amazing.  It would have been amazing if she had NOT changed the color of her hair.

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This morning, M sent me this amazing link.

Have you seen it?  It’s hardly new.  But I hadn’t seen it before.  The thing about the lion?  I sat there watching it, leaning toward the screen, tears running down my face.  It was the same reaction I’d had to that “Merry Christmas” French film when all the Germans and Scotts and British came out of their trenches, meaning one another no harm in the middle of a terrible (and it was terrible) war.  My heart ached with longing – for things to be right.  For evil to pass like the skies clearing after a tornado.  For relief.  For joy.  For amazement.

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Here is a picture of Tucker.  Not amazing.  But it’s for free.

Tomorrow I will start worrying about stuff again –

Posted in A little history, Geneva, Rachel, The g-kids | Tagged , , , , , , | 24 Comments

~:: Just Asking ::~

This post is not crafty or illustrated or humorous or ironic.  It’s just about me.  Nothing more than a pitifully omphalopsychic rambling mess that I’ve been trying to work up the courage to write out for some three months.  It’s about writing.  Not writing blogs.  Writing books.  The business of it.  And the pitiful people who fall in love with using a public voice.

About me.

I used to be an author.  Author meaning: a person who is published and reviewed and gets royalties.  And letters from people.  And thus, feels connected.  Sort of.  I have friends, like Sharon, who are actually professional.  Successful and consistent.  And maybe for about ten minutes I came close to that.  There was actually a time when every manuscript I had ever written had been published.  Yeah.  That can make you cocky.  And I think I was, for a while – cocky.  Not now, though.  Which is why I am writing this.

I never was in it for the money.  I was just writing stories I wanted to read.  And when I was young and romantical minded, and then when I was young and my days were rife with beloved, chaotic children, I wrote – I don’t know why.  To bring order to the universe?  To make sure stories had an acceptable ending?  As a vacation from teaching and carrying and entertaining and shopping and cooking and running the studio?

I don’t really know.  But the stories came, and they filled my head, and then they filled paper, and then screens.  And I sent them to New York, and they came back books (yeah – like it was that easy).

Some day I will write the story of getting my first NY release published.  If I remember it.  Drama.  Suspense. Betrayal. Triumph.

But here’s where it became frustrating: Scholastic ended up publishing my The Only Alien on the Planet. The book got great reviews.  It didn’t sell quickly, but it did do over 110,000 copies over a couple of years, which in those days was pretty wizard.  Which is a funny choice of words, considering the times.  It used to be that a great YA run was about 8000 books.  A few, the ones that English teachers got all hot and bothered about – like The Outsiders – did better and still manage to stay in print (is that one still in print?).  Like I said, 8000 was once a good number.  But I had done better than that.  And so I sent them a second manuscript.  Which my editor liked.  But the word from the committee was: we’re going to wait to see how the first one sells.

Ummm.  It was already selling.  What was to wait for?  So after about a year, I got my courage back up and took it elsewhere, and found my present favorite editor.  Maybe someday I will write that story too – how the publishing industry is a lot like an ocean of predator fish who are always hunting for small fish and swallowing them, and spitting out the bones – and I wouldn’t be surprised to find out at this point that every dang publishing house was actually owned by a cable network that’s part of a conglomerate that belongs to the one huge company that runs of all media companies on the planet and that the whole thing is owned by China.

And they ARE in it for the money.

For a while, in the eighties and nineties, YA publishing was a lot about edginess.  Every fringy aspect of our social fabric got stuck into YA books.  Like every high school in the world is supposed to be full of socially deviant loners who subscribe to the “If there’s nothing wrong with me, then something must be wrong with the universe” perspective. Oh, wait.  That part’s probably true.

Anyway.  Along came Harry Potter and suddenly, nobody wanted to publish quiet books anymore.  YA became a make-a-hit biz.  And, you know, I did like reading that series.  Except for book five and the end.  (Wait – which one had the kittens in it?)

Then came tech and the internet and Kindles and suddenly, the sidewalks of NY were paved with people who used to be editors, because nobody was buying books anymore – unless they were Harry Potter or concerned Vampires and sexual tension.

Which I am not about.  And I was still writing stuff.  But my beloved editor wasn’t  interested in fantasy or horse – both of which I happen to like.  And I didn’t have an agent, and I still don’t – because shopping for an agent when you don’t really know anybody in NY is worse, almost, than shopping for a publishing house.  I can take being turned down by an editor.  But to have some agent go all snooty and superior on you?  Enough to make you chew furntiture.  So I lost my courage.

And even during the odd surge of confidence, when I sent things to houses I liked – it’s just kind of dead out there.  I have a manuscript at Scholastic that the very wonderful editor just loves – but she’s had it for over two years now.  And it’s like she’s the only editor left in that house and has to read everything and edit everything and the queue is so long, she’ll be dead before she gets to me, which she won’t because there are no vampires in my book.

And I sent one at another editor’s request  – “Get it to me quick so I can have it read before Thanksgiving,” she said.  That was Thanksgiving 2009.  A beloved friend asked her the other day, after I’d awakened to realize I’d been waiting that long – “Did you get a manuscript from Kristen?”  The answer: “Umm.  I could have done.  I’m just really behind.”

In the good old days, you waited six months and you got an answer.  Now – you should live long enough for your turn to come up.

The point is this:  if you paint a painting, you can show it to somebody.  Just show them.  And then your painting is real.  Or you can just hang it on your wall, and there it is.  Or if you write a song – you can sing it to yourself and work out your angst and everything.  I know.  I’ve done that.  And it’s real.  Or you can sit on your front porch and sing it to the neighbors.  You make a quilt, you can give it to somebody, or lie under it or take pictures of it and show your Facebook friends.

But when you write a book, it isn’t real unless somebody reads it.

And to have people in the way of that – agents who have this or that to say about the story and may or may not humiliate you.  Then editors – who may not find fault with the writing at all, but just not be that interested in the type of story.  (Give the same manuscript to ten editors, you will have 10 different opinions from “I LOVE it” to “Is there a dead fish in here, maybe?”).  And then it takes over a year to get the actual physical book printed.  Then the reviews.  Then the publisher has to talk stores into stocking it (and let me tell you, that’s a pain – stores will order 50 of a paperback book – and maybe won’t even ever get the books to the shelf – and after three weeks, they’ll throw the books back into a box and ship them back – battered and unusable – or better yet, rip off the covers and send just them back – charging the publisher for the shipping and expecting full credit –which comes out of the royalties to the author – does this sound like efficient and effective business?).

But the stores are closing.  And the little guys who are hanging on don’t carry that wide a selection.  And the big ones have gone on-line where you can’t see a book and touch it and smell it and get a feel for whether you want it or not.

And this is all very discouraging because I LOVE BOOKS.  I LOVE THEM.  And I love walking down long shelves looking for something that feels right.

And I love writing stories for people to love.

And I feel doom.

So.  I had a long talk with a fellow author – a New York Best Selling author who has seen all this happening and has decided to be his own publisher.  He has a following (I used to – where are my 100,000 buyers?  I want a list.  And I want it now.  Please – if you were one of them, go to my Facebook page and, by thunder, LIKE the dang thing) and he writes these books, and he sells subscriptions to them and puts them up on-line.  Sometimes, he invites the people who love reading him to watch as he writes, and to comment, and discuss the characters and root for certain plot elements – they just have a password to the site, and there’s a discussion board, and he talks to them as the books develop – and I think it’s super cool.

But I don’t know how readers feel about that.

In the end, if he has enough people willing to kick in, he prints a short run – makes beautiful hardback books, signs them, and sells them to the people who subscribed.  It’s not selling 100,000 copies, but it’s connecting with people who love your stories.

I don’t know.

Would you pay a buck a chapter to read a book from an author you enjoy?  Would I?  Maybe I would.

I would really like to know how you guys feel about this.  It seems like the wave of the future.

Right now, I have a novel I wrote a couple of years ago, and I love it.  And I’m tempted to put it up here on a collection of pages and see if you like it.  But I’m scared to.  Maybe I should still be looking for a publisher.  But I don’t want to.  I HATE this whole begging and being judged process.  It’s discouraging and it takes years and it’s NO FUN.

And I wonder if this kind of writing – blogging – writing yourself and talking about real things.  I wonder if that’s the kind of thing I was trying to do all along.  Except you really don’t make any money doing that, and I have to pay for felt and buttons somehow.

So, I don’t know – what do you think?  Would you buy a book from a live author?  Would you think it was fun to have a secret password and watch a book unfold?  Would you send paypal a buck a chapter?

If you’ve gotten this far, please don’t just lurk.  Please tell me what you think, because this is keeping me up at night.

And that’s the end.

Oh, and if you are at all interested in what I decide to do here – please do go to my Facebook author page and like it – because I need to start finding all the folks who have read me and might want to again.  It’s all new media now, my dears – sigh.

http://www.facebook.com/kristendrandle.author

Thank you for your  – attention.  Really.  The end.

Posted in IMENHO (Evidently not humble), Just talk, whining, Writing | Tagged , | 55 Comments