A hard night –

I will not say that I would’ve awakened tomorrow, feeling that the world had been saved.  There is too much going on now in this country that cannot be solved by rhetoric and bailouts.  But I would not have had the dark feeling I have now, that very rough times are ahead.  Those of us who are small business people, who have worked so hard to make our way, and might actually have had some success?  I believe that we will now be treated as though we had no right to try and do well.  The independent spirit that has been America from the beginning seems to me about to be extinguished.  The middle class will be under fire, and where it has been hard for us lately to keep our heads above water, I believe that we are about to be smothered and drowned.

Everything I have read about socialist principles point to a bad end.  I don’t want to live by them.  I don’t want to be forced to live by them.  But I am now the enemy, as I have been told over and over again over the last two years’ campaigning.  In the eyes of the party that is ascendent, I am an ignorant, mean spirited selfish middle class leach on society.  I am supposed to love Nascar, whatever that is.  I take from the poor and never serve my neighbor.  I am white middle class males. I am heterosexual.  I suppose I am a racist—even though I was startled tonight to realize that Mr. O is a person of color*—simply because I didn’t want a democrat to win.  I am a person of religion. I eat romaine lettuce. I do not live in New Orleans. I bought a house I could afford and don’t run up my credit cards. I am proud of the flag. I have a college degree and a savings account.  I guess I should be ashamed.

The man now driving the bus knows nothing about administration, is naive about those who want our ruin, sees so many of us as ignorant people who cling to the base elements of life, among which are religion.  I am chilled.  Not surprised.  But sick at heart.

Funny that my admiration for Mr. McCain was awakened at the moment of his loss.  His speech was gentle, honest, substantial.  He spoke of being the servant of the country he loves.  I had never seen him so clearly as I did when he said these things.  But the man chosen—his wife has never been proud of our country; he is a man who has constantly harped on the need for change, as if there were nothing to us before he came along – 

Well, change is not always good.  And change isn’t what I would have identified as our first need.  Honesty, honor, good sense, a willingness to take responsibility, to sacrifice, hard work, a realistic understanding of what it takes to build a sweet and solid life, and faith in God—what I’m talking about is a return to the values that built this country in the first place.  And that is evidently not where we are headed.

So I’m sad tonight.  I see rough times ahead.  They were coming anyway, but I’d rather have had someone I trust leading us.  God help Mr. Obama.  I guess I will have to pray that there is more to him than fancy rhetoric – more than has met my eye.

*P.S. – To make myself clear: I never thought of Mr. Obama as black.  Even at this moment, I do not see color.  After listening to him, I have thought of him as effete, patronizing, winking over our heads at others like him, with their money and their connections—and way over his youthful and untried head.  Now, I have to think of him as President of the free world.  I was so hoping that I could find someone I could depend on in my own blindness.

Posted in Epiphanies and Meditations, IMENHO (Evidently not humble), Uncategorized | Tagged | 24 Comments

Home Color

HeaderPumpkins

Postcards from the home front:

08-10-21-FallNwRoomWin06

08-10-21-FallLeavsPump03

08-10-31Fall11

08-10-31Fall25

08-10-20-FallYardPump07

Sometimes there’s a lot to say. Sometimes there’s just a lot to show:

08-10-21-FallPorchBenchs02

08-10-20-FallYardPump06

08-10-31Fall26

08-10-20-FallDogYard3

Autumn is so family for me, perhaps because winter is coming on, and you want to bundle up in your safest, warmest things –

08-10-07CH-L-ScootLeaves04

08-10-07CH-L-ScootLeaves07

08-10-07CharDogLeaves08

08-10-31Halloween

08-10-20-FallingLeaves

You’ll laugh. When the yard has really gone yellow like this, all the aspen and the box elder, a wind will come up and suddenly the air is a flurry of golden snow. I always try to catch the feeling of it—that fall of scudding yellow, but it hardly ever works out. This time, I stood in this place and took over forty shots, hoping one would capture that marvelous visual cacophony. But alas, the wind and the shutter never lined up.

So I took all of the shots, stole the leaves out of them and plastered them all on this one frame. This still isn’t like seeing lines of driven leaves—just like lines of wind driven snow. But you get more of a feel for it. Thirty nine layers here. It was SOOOO fun to do and took me hours. Each leaf is in exactly the place I’d caught it in the other frame. Even background lines are all lined up and hues matched. All except for one leaf – a cheat – which I cut from the tree it still clung to and stuck in a place that needed more movement.

Glee!!! I love doing this!!

There are so many things I’ve wanted to write about, so many thoughts, so many things happening. But Autumn trumps them all today. Autumn and the really bad cold everybody in this house has managed to catch. They should spend more time outside with horses, is all I have to say.

 

Posted in Family, Images | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments

Luxury!!!

My own bed! My own bathroom! And Rachel is home!!! She won’t be dancing in the streets any time soon, but she’s in her own bed, too. Miraculous! Riches! No more waking up every two hours so that people can ask you what your name is and what year Columbus voted for Ronald Reagan. No more beeping. No more punching tiny holes in people. Vampires be gone!!

I have heard people say a million times (don’t you love folksy moral aphorisms?) that you’d always choose your own trials over somebody else’s? Yeah. Well, I’ve never really gotten it. But I’ll tell you my epiphany after this last unbelievable week: after having been to the door of death (and Rachel was NOT close to dying – but if it had been seventy years ago, yes) and all the rest, I know why living through your own traumas is more doable than thinking about living through somebody else’s (assuming that Rachel’s trauma was also, in some part, my own):

In your own trial, there is so much at stake. People you love and need to keep. Things you would hurt to lose. Love, eyes, walking, friendship, the power to bless those you love – and whose need for you you are very aware of. These are things you live with intimately – you dress in them in the morning when you rise, you cultivate and weed and tame and train them all day long, and you lie down praying for them. So you have a lot to fight for. And that gives you the power to do what must be done – to walk straight up to the scary things, the painful things, the frightening things—narrowing your eyes and rolling up your sleeves. You are invested. And it makes you fierce enough to reusire – a French word that means some fusion of winning and accomplishing and triumphing.

Other people’s trials look worse because you have no sense of personal loss on the other side of them, no thing that plugs you in and forces you to fight.

And Geneva’s epiphany: if you think you love someone, try walking them through hell as caretaker. Then you know. Then you really know.

But as in all things, with the relief comes loss:

How often do you get to be with a beloved one, all alone, no distractions, no business pressing – nothing that takes you off on your parallel lives? When was my last sleep-over with the girls? When do you get to demonstrate with your whole soul your gratitude to someone who has been one of the stakes of your tent? That last evening was the sweetest thing – talking quietly about everything. Being two people in one life for a moment together. And then Lorna, the Super Nurse, came in and it was three girls at a gabfest, way into the night, way later than we should have been up. It was great. And that, I will miss.

Posted in Epiphanies and Meditations, Just life, Uncategorized | Tagged | 6 Comments

Casting Bread

           My mother used to make bread.  By hand.  What I mean is that there was a period of time when she did this.  I don’t remember a lot about it—a very large metal bowl, the bread rising, my mother kneading it.  The pictures in my head are hazy.  Except for the ones having to do with taking lunch to school.  Sandwiches made on my mom’s homemade bread lacked a certain civilized integrity. In other words, it could be embarrassing to eat them in public because you had to do it in chunks.

            So when I grew up and got married and had kids, I home schooled, thus, when the granola urge hit me, too, and I decided to start making my own bread, nobody’s self esteem was going to crumble.  I bought a big metal bowl.  I figured out the yeast, kneaded the spongy dough, formed the sticky loaves and set the pans in the oven to cook.  And my house smelled like heaven, too.

G's Bread

            When my brother came up here to go to school, he showed up at my house one day, announcing that some earnest young co-ed had brought him a loaf of homemade bread.  I gleefully tied an apron around that kid’s waist and announced that he was about to get a lesson in just how much of a gift that girl had given him.  He turned out to be a great kneader—better than I was, cause he was taller and could get a better angle on it.  To my grave disappointment, he really seemed to enjoy the process.

G's Bread

 

            After a while, like maybe when I had three kids under the age of four, I started to long for a nice, powerful Bosch bread maker.  And darned if my man didn’t get me one.  Remember O Henry?  Well, we used to have a nice cherry sunburst Les Paul.  Then we had a Bosch.

G's Bread

            Eventually, I gave up the bread business in favor of lots of kids and a studio and writing and things like that.  And for years we ate nothing but imitation cool bread (thank you Granny’s seven grain).

            Then one day, I was at a meeting of the Mormon Arts Foundation Retreat Committee (impressed?) at my friend, James’ house.  Château.  Bet you didn’t know they had Châteaus in Orem, did ya?  I couldn’t help but notice the seventeen foot dining room table he had sitting in his voluminous timbered living area, and he explained that they did not actually play hockey on it, but rather, that they loved to invite EVERYONE they know for Sunday dinner (kids, kids’ roommates, friends, romantic interests, cousins, whatever) and that he made soup and bread in the winter and barbecued things in the summer, and it sounded so idyllic when I reported this to G, that he swore he would do as James had done and always invite everybody and make bread and it would be wonderful.

            I have bargained it down to inviting the kids, and once in a while other people (if the house is cleaned up two weeks in advance and there are no small children involved.  Yeah.  That’s me.  Party down).  And the making of the bread?  That took  That really took.

          
G's Bread

And here is a loaf nestled amongst the bounty brought in by neighbors.  This is what we mean by “abundance.”

            It’s been years now, and we’ve been through several bread machines, looking for the right one (which at the moment is the Breadman Ultimate Plus, a horizontal loaf).  I made bread.  But when it takes you hours and hours of hard physical labor, it’s not like you’re going to get fancy with the spices.  Not when you’ve got a child clinging to each ankle and one on your back.

            But my husband, the artist, is a free man.  And our lazy Susan is overflowing with dough enhancers and grain combinations and I don’t know what all—not only is he creative, but scientific, and he’s always tweaking this or that bit, in search of the perfect darn loaf.

G's Bread

This shot came from the second round of photos—I’d finally figured out that I had to step down about half a stop on my exposures so that things would come out looking real instead of neon.

            He is now famous in the ward.  Wherever there is sickness or sorrow – if you are new and blinking or old and beloved – you will eventually end up with a loaf of G’s bread, wrapped in a professional bread sack (my Christmas gift to him – who knew they’d actually sell me some at Sam’s club?), tied up in hemp twine, and probably warm out of the oven.  This is even what we give the neighbors at Christmas, now.  Sometimes with a bottle of jam (purchased – my contribution).

G's Bread

The genius in his element.

            But we live in that kind of neighborhood. In the summer, we are gifted with tomatoes and cucumbers and grapes, at Christmas by breads and handmade candy – at all times by pumpkin bread or banana bread or cookies or cakes.  Yeah.  And why would we ever want to move?

G's Bread

Remember the HUGE tomato on the vine?  Well, it survived to fulfill the measure of its creation.  Yum.

G's Bread

 

            So here is G’s recipe for the so-far closest to perfect bread, for your pleasure and edification:


G's Bread

Posted in Family, Memories and Ruminations, Uncategorized | Tagged , | 7 Comments

Campaign Away!

I’m going to be straight about this: I’m voting for the McCain ticket in November. It’s not because I love everything about it, More like, I’m less afraid of it. There’ve been maybe two elections in my whole life in which I have actually voted FOR somebody. But I guess that’s politics, right? And mortal life and the rest of it.

I was just watching the Penn McCain rally (I ran out of Ugly Betty – which I watch with one eye closed – on the treadmill. I have a theory that watching the news makes you sick, so I don’t make a habit of it) and I learned two things:

1) If you invite an effete little snot of a prep school “supporter”  (complete with sweater draped around his shoulders) into your on-camera cheering section, don’t let him stand RIGHT behind you while you’re speechmaking, especially not in the front row and right at your active elbow. Holy Cats. I hope that kid gets WAY grounded when he gets home.  Or maybe arrested for treason?

2) I don’t want home (actually “house,” but nobody who wants to sell one or win a race calls what you live in a “house”) values to rise. We built this house of ours thirty years ago. It cost us about sixty thousand dollars, and we had a forty-five thousand dollar mortgage. Then I worked our collective butts off for sixteen years to pay off that stinking mortgage, making the kids’ clothes, saving every penny I could rescue from the growing business, never buying books – just waiting for the library to get them. I still have clothes from that time.

But I did pay it off. My philosophy at the time was: the smaller your monthly nut, the safer you are.

Oh, wait. That’s still my philosophy. Have you seen that Sat. Night Live Steve Martin infomercial about the financial stability program? Yeah. That’s us. If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. The thing is hilarious. We go a step further: if you CAN afford it, don’t buy it. Man, I’ve GOT to replace our bedroom carpet.

All that said, we’ve had a great life. I measure it in people, not cars and really, really big TVs. I’m not trying to high horse myself here, although I do think we’ve been smart about this – it’s just I’ve paid a price to learn this stuff. And it was worth it.

Okay. Monthly nut. I don’t owe anybody, but that monthly nut has been steadily rising over thirty years anyway – and why? Not gas. Not food prices. (Picture a big arrow here with flashing light bulbs all over it):

Insurance. And taxes.

Life insurance. Health insurance. Car insurance. Flood insurance. Homeowners. Umbrella. There are more, I know there are. I can’t remember them all. Like it works out to thousands of dollars a month. And then the taxes: car, house, state, fed, sales. I swear, you have to be rich just to keep from being thrown in jail.

House insurance: like I said, we built this thing for sixty thousand. It was overbuilt for the neighborhood back then, it’s WAY overbuilt now. And what does home value mean to me? That the flipping county can waltz in, stroke their chins, grin at each other and say, “That’d sell for about $300,000.” And poof. That’s what I get taxed on. And the pasture – the grass my horses eat for a living? It’s got a little red metal barn on it and a nice little fence. The county just loves it. And because there’s so much potential energy in it, they go right ahead and tax it like there’s a house on the thing. So I’m paying over $3200 a year for the right to own my own stuff.

Do I want house values to RISE??? Right.

The year after I bought my first little house, all by myself (with two grand of my Daddy’s help and my own solid earning record) for thirty grand, the value went up to thirty eight. I thought that was so cool – I thought we were RICH!!  We figured (we were married by then) we could get rid of that little house, take the money and get something so much better. So we looked through the classifieds and found all these huge houses – four bedrooms, six bedrooms – more than one bath. Fabulous. And then we went to see them. And what were they?? MY SAME HOUSE. Just, somebody had “finished” the basement – um, we’re talking about plywood and curtains in the doorways, here – and for every square sixteen feet, they had a BEDROOM.

So the thing is, whatever your house value is, if you sell it, pretty much all you’re going to get is your own house over again. Ta-DA!!!!!!!!!!

But if your house value DOES go up, YOU GET TO PAY MORE TAXES!!!!! YAY!!!!! So you get your same house, but it costs you MORE!!!! Is anybody else fainting here with excitement?

The breaking point in the now is the mortgage. If you are unfortunate enough to have bought a house in, like, the last five years – and you have to sell it, you just might find yourself pretty upside down. And if that’s the case, then I’ll cry with you, because that stinks.

But here’s what bothers me about what I heard today: I don’t want people bailed out of their stupid misjudgment. If they let some greedy little jerk of a real estate agent talk them into letting a greedy big freak out Social Aneurism of a bank talk them into a house that is OBVIOUSLY more than they could afford (people have been getting loans based on what they SAY their income is – they don’t have to prove ANYTHING – just declare some number on paper—how SMART the banks were to do business like that), then why should those people be allowed to keep what they’ve got?

Thirty years I’ve tried to be a good girl. Thirty years of choosing to play by the rules every day. And these guys who’ve behave like college frat brothers on break in Moab—THEY GET TO KEEP EVERYTHING THEY BOUGHT??? THEY get their mortgages reworked so they don’t have to pay the consequences?

Okay, then, Mr. McCain – how about this? How about you and the government’s completely and (it looks like) eternally wiped out coffers pay ME. You pay me what I WOULD have gotten if I’d acted like a brainless idiot. Give me a five hundred thousand dollar house ( or seven. Make it seven hundred thousand—because that’s what I can qualify for – No. Really) on four acres with a nice barn and a stream that runs through it.

Or better yet, let me stay here with the people I already love and just pay me the difference. I figure that would be – eh, about 500,000. You can even just pay me a little every month. Hey – I know – I’ll give you a mortgage on the amount. Six percent. You can even tax me on the interest. That’s good – you should jump on it. I’ll amortize it for you. Thirty years. Or we could work a fifteen.

I think that’s fair. Really. I can use the money to pay my flipping property taxes.

And if we can work that out, man, I promise – I’ll be voting FOR you this November.

Posted in Epiphanies and Meditations, mad, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments

Being Good

I’m not.  Good, I mean.  I’m not good.  Not that I’m bad, exactly.  Like, I don’t kick blind dogs or anything.  But I am for certain, and always have been, pretty self concerned.  And fearful.  And angry.  And lazy.  Reluctant.  And very jealous of my time and freedom of movement.  I don’t know how I ever managed to bring up children, which pretty much requires none of the above—and, in fact—all that is opposite these things.

I know women who are good.  They are the first to show up when bad things happen.  They bring food.  They take responsibility for other people’s kids.  They remember other people’s birthdays.  And they never forget other people’s children’s wedding receptions.  I am afraid of women like this.  Mostly, I suppose, because their willingness pretty much decimates any chance of my being happily graded on the curve.

Ask me to babysit your kids (and I am addressing my own children along with the rest of the world) and I will politely decline.  I’ll do it if the situation is extreme and everybody else you know is dead.  But I won’t like doing it, and I will keep my eye desperately on the clock.  I would be willing enough to buy food and bring it to you, but I probably won’t think to do it.  Even when I finally do things that are nice, I spoil it by suspecting that I have just done a nice thing, which instantly cancels out the “nice” part.

Here are the people I admire: the ones who, when asked to pray in front of a group, do it simply, sincerely and earnestly without once thinking, “Wow.  That came out well.”  Actually, let’s just say that I admire anybody who does anything for somebody else without thinking something along those lines.  I admire people who are not their own audiences.  Whose faces face out instead of inward.  I believe that is what selfless might mean, anchor points outside of what might otherwise be the middle.

I have to say this: I am willing to do things for myself.  To be fair, my definition of self is not uncomplicated.  I suppose it begins with me.  But it’s expandable.  I was going to say that it takes in, probably first, the people who hold my comfort and welfare in their hands, but as I think about that, I realize it isn’t true; there are plenty of people who could deal a good old whack at my comfort and welfare who are just utterly not included in my self.  I guess what I’m trying to define here is love.  My self includes the people I love.  Some simply because I admire their character.  Some because I think they’re interesting.  Some because it was impossible for me not to love them once I knew them.  Pretty much all of these are people I have reason to respect.

Inside that self are my children – I was going to say “of course,” and  I think in the beginning that may be true.  But in the end, for even my own children to stay neatly tucked away in that essential pocket, I have to respect them as people.  And so it is with family.  And so it is with friends.

It’s presently a little after eleven o’clock in the evening, and I am sitting in the semi dark of a hospital room at the side of a bed that holds a beloved person.  A sister of my heart.  I will sleep in this chair tonight as I did last night, tuned to the sounds of moving blanket and distress.  There are few places else in the universe that I could be at this moment and still be real.

I will not say much about her here, except perhaps this: there are few I have known who deserve more of my respect and my utter service than this girl.  Strong, lovely, honest, selfless—and just now, in  a deal of trouble.  I sit helpless by, unable to mitigate her pain, unable to stand between her and whatever this thing is she’s going through.

I stand over her, saying soft nonsense, touching – hoping that somehow I can suck some of that dark energy out of her into my stocky self, or that I can let something of my health flow through fingertip and skin to her heart.  I can’t stop the hurt.  I can only recognize, as I look down on her, that the face I see, framed in waves of untroubled and opulent hair, reminds me of so many paintings:  a Christiansen angel.  A Kershisnik Angel.  A Rackham angel.  Honestly, she reminds me of Mary, the mother of Christ.

My daughter said to me, as I dragged myself home this morning from last night’s vigil, “You are a good friend.”  But I have to hand that back to her with regrets.  A good friend is someone who does what she does not have to do for someone else.  This is heartwork.  It will earn me no heavenly points. I am only serving myself again.

Why is it so hard to be good, and so very, very easy to be ashamed?

Posted in Epiphanies and Meditations | Tagged | 10 Comments

Rivers of Drowsy Aspen

One of the greatest delights of our lives is to ride the mountains in autumn.  Every year I’m scared we won’t get up there.  But every year, we manage to sneak away (if you can call it sneaking when you’re driving an elephant of a car, hauling a trailer that could carry an entire MWC football team – standing room only).

We picked our day and Rachel came with us, bringing her beautiful colt, Finale, bred by our horse maven and dear friend, Geneva.  The day unfolded in loveliness, clear and crisp.  But things changed, as they are so likely to do in September, and by early afternoon there were serious clouds over the mountains.  We went anyway—they didn’t look like thunder clouds.  Mostly.

So here is the story of our ride: beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, and only a little thunder.

Riding the Mountain

Understand, please, that everything you see here was shot in storm light – strangely lit gray.  So lots of these images suffer from low-light blur. You can’t use a flash on a mountain.  Here, we’re driving up through the side canyon and I’m shooting out the window, and – yep- even more blur.  But isn’t it great?  The trees, the hills – oh, mama – it’s heaven.

Riding the Mountain

Our matchbox car – complete with tow package.

Riding the Mountain

Rachel, doing the crane dance.  We always do this before we ride.  It’s lucky.

Riding the Mountain

G, ready to mount.

Riding the Mountain

Hear the creaking?  Hint: it ain’t the leather you’re a hearin’ –

Riding the Mountain

Dustin, moving out.

Riding the Mountain

“Now, look you,” she says.  “None of your shenanigans!”  That is not a whip, and she isn’t whapping him with it.  It’s a training stick that extends your arm so that when you’re having a serious discussion with your horse, you’re not close enough for him to  make a point with his horse shoes.  Finale goes barefoot, as do our horses, but they can still make a strong argument.

Riding the Mountain

I have to give the camera credit – it kept warning me that there wasn’t enough light.  But riding is all about motion, and so is blur. There is something elegant about a man’s hand on the reins. Dashing.

And this man is mine.

Riding the Mountain

At the very beginning of the ride.  We are all happy at this point.  And not at all chilled.  And dry.

Riding the Mountain

There are several vast fields of grass up here, valleys you would not know existed if you weren’t creeping off into the wild country on little cat feet.  Notice the superb manners of our mounts – don’t tell Geneva they were shopping on the hoof up here.  How does the earth fold like this—back on itself like a mighty stone blanket, casually dropped on a bed of earth.

Riding the Mountain

Pioneers looked for passes, places where the curves of marshaled mountains line up fortunately, and we can find our human way through the great geological maze.

Riding the Mountain

When we lived in New York, our yard looked like this.  But we are in the west now, where valleys cater to rivers and grass and sand.  Maples love mountains, and so do oaks.  Our valley turns yellow in October with aspen and birch and box elder.  The real color is here in the back country, where the air sees winter first and leaves show their real nature in September.

Riding the Mountain

I’m sorry that this shot didn’t work.  It’s such an astonishing thing, to ride this ridge around the shoulder of a hill, and come out above yet another grass valley, such a sweep of grass, running before the storm wind in a sea swell of movement.  Here, my angle allowed me to capture some of the color, but little of the striking size and drop.

Riding the Mountain

Here, with a slightly higher angle, the camera reads the cloudy bright sky, and the valley seems plunged in shadow.  Ridge upon ridge of knife sharp mountains must be hiding more such mysteries.  And the clouds above, as massive and arcane in their own unsubstantial way, deliver their first rumble of thunder.

Riding the Mountain

“Will you get yourself right in that saddle?  You can’t ride the whole way backward, you dufus!”

Riding the Mountain

At the bottom of the descending trail, almost down to the grass, maples and oak crowd the lane, vivid with the color of their coming sleep.

Riding the Mountain

A slightly different exposure.  The truth of the light lies between these two images.  The wind is pulling down the clouds, as you can see – misting the top ridges of the mountains.  I am the only one smart enough in this bunch to have worn long sleeves.

Picture, if you will, yourself in a cart or carriage, being driven down this lane behind a pair of horses.  This could almost be Wales.

Riding the Mountain

This is the canter trail.  My Zion has carried me faster along this narrow track than you can believe.  Oh, you can go more quickly in your car, yeah – but you’re not sitting right on top of your engines.  A horse is a fine brawny thing, and when he goes – reaching out to grab the earth with his feet, throwing it back behind him with all the power of life and time – and the wind in your face – oh, then you feel the speed and the dance and the hellbent hurtling we all do, will we—nill we, through our lives.  It makes your blood race, and you find yourself shouting words you don’t even understand.

Riding the Mountain

It was too dark to catch these rivers of gold in all their amazing glory.  Rachel thought they looked like bright yellow ski runs, but I thought they looked like molten golden lava pouring down from the peak.  In actuality, I figure these are lanes left by avalanche, old hoary pines ripped up and tossed down the side of the mountain, leaving the way clear for the lighter, quicker aspens to spring up like weeds in their wake.  I wonder, if we rode through those trees and made our way to where the gold peters out, would we find piles of rotting giants?

Riding the Mountain

Don’t show Geneva this one, either, please.

Riding the Mountain

Here is where it became interesting.  We were coming down from Big Springs, taking the short way because of thunder and the increasingly cold air.  Then we had a mishap between horses that resulted in rain.  No, in the rain, the mishap happened, and we had a wounded leg.  So we decided not to put unnecessary weight on that leg and walked the rest of the way.  So here we are, walking down the back of a mountain in the rain, in the company of horses.  Does this sound unfortunate?  It wasn’t.  It was delightful.  What you cannot see in this picture are the tiny streams of water tumbling headlong down beside the trail, and the faces of two small children, also on foot, way back there behind Rachel – a family coming up the trail from below, also in the rain.

The children took one look at the horses and ran back down the other way, calling to their mother that there were HORSES coming.  We got to meet them, and let them pat the horses, and I told them all about Morgan horses and how wonderful they are and recommended Justin Morgan Had a Horse which was pretty much the perfect book for their age and wide eyes.

Riding the Mountain

Really, could there be a more romantic way to spend a waning afternoon than this?  It was BEE-UTIFUL.  And I wasn’t freezing – did I mention my long sleeves?  Which I was wearing and nobody else was?

Riding the Mountain

I’m not sure what gave rise to this particular look.  Maybe because it was the eighth time I’d yelled, “Hey. Wait!  Let me take your picture again!”

Riding the Mountain

See, my little landlubbers?  Do you believe this color?  I wouldn’t even know how to mix this color.  And if you painted with it, people would wrinkle up their faces and mutter, “Gaudy.”  See the rain on the leaves?  My shirt was almost this color.   I could have taken dozens of these pictures, but nobody wanted to stop and wait for me to do it.  Notice the fortunate angle I get here?  Couldn’t have gotten it from horseback, and would have ended up blurred.  Walking has its advantages.  But even Zion was miffed at me for stopping to shoot this.

Riding the Mountain

Rain on the lens.

Riding the Mountain

And doesn’t this look like thunder, though?

Riding the Mountain

Finished at last.  Down the last great sweep of hill – all soaked and chilled and refreshed.  Dustin, who is also a Morgan, knows there are treats in there somewhere.

Riding the Mountain

Zion is content just to stand.  I suppose he would recommend that we do some conditioning before we take on a little junket like this, but then again, on second thought, he wouldn’t recommend that at all.  He prefers home, hay and soft footing.

Riding the Mountain

Morgans, as a breed, are intelligent, curious and independent.  This little horse is so important to me.  How odd to have a beast friend.  Or maybe not odd at all.  Maybe more beasts in our lives would keep us from our present tendency to self centered, entitled perspectives.  Maybe we would remember that there are things you can’t talk your way around – that you either do what you must, or the world can suffer.

Riding the Mountain

Riding the Mountain

Riding the Mountain

Riding the Mountain

He’s saying to you, “She just keeps saying it louder and louder, like I’m suddenly going to understand what she’s talking about.  And her accent is TERRIBLE.”

Riding the Mountain

The crazy thing is it was only about five thirty.  There should have been plenty of light.  But this blur is to my advantage – only fifty percent as wrinkly.  I clash with my horse though, darn it.

Riding the Mountain

Say, “Cheese!!!”

Riding the Mountain

I know you’re tired of horse pictures, but I just can’t get enough.  He has the greatest eyes.

Riding the Mountain

And nuzzles.  Don’t show Geneva this one, either.

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Now, besides the delightful subject matter, you must notice the light behind horse and his girl.  We have just come down off the mountain.  Just untacked with chilled fingers.

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And NOW the sun comes out.

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Posted in Epiphanies and Meditations, Family, Horses, Images of our herd in specific, Just life | Tagged , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Header

By the way, inspired by Lorena’s very large but doomed tomato, I decided to use G’s out-of-control vines for the header here. The red fruit is a normal sized tomato. The big green thing? Not a pumpkin, actually. And there are at least three of these things we’ve been able to locate, using a machete and bearers.

Posted in Explanations | Tagged | 3 Comments

How We Watch Football

Times change. We change. Football doesn’t change much, but how we watch it surely does.

Our house used to be the place for BYU football. All the kids there. Yelling and jumping around. Saying bad words (that would be me; nobody else was allowed to) and throwing things at our pretty big Phillips 300 pound widish screen cathode ray TV . Then Gin moved away. And Cammon got married and bought a really, really wide flat screen hang-it-on-the-wall TV – for his business (nudge, nudge, wink – no really.  They use it at trade shows). Then they had to go and get themselves inlaws. And children. Who need to nap. Not the inlaws. The children. Although the inlaws also have children who need to nap. Does this make sense? I didn’t think so.

So here is a brief photo essay: how we now watch football. At Cammon’s house. In Autumn and blue shirts.

 

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This is a culprit.  He is not solely responsible for our present situation.  But mostly.  Deceptively cute, don’t you think? And I must tell you—this is me, holding him.  That would be, instead of watching the game.

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Here are the truly responsible ones.  See the fatuous attention to distraction?  Fans, yes.  But belying the very footballs printed on their shirts.

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Okay.  Family time.  In harmony already.  Actually, they don’t usually let this kid watch TV, which is pretty much in line with my own philosophy.  Perhaps this is why?

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The grandfather.  He’s looking west.  The Game is south.


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Now, Chaz has changed for the good.  She actually sits in the same room with us during gameplay these days.

 

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Okay, I’m gonna call this the half time show.  I’m trying to catch the Scoot at the apex of each wave of the drop-and-swoop-the-Scoot game.  Keep in mind that I’m shooting digital at 1000 ISO, and I’m still getting blur.  

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He’s scaring this kid to death, eh?

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At the peak of yet another swoop.  This makes about five.

Uh-huh.  And these are the people who wonder why this kid isn’t napping well?

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Still.  You could do worse, I guess.  Scooter could be out shooting dice or hot-wiring cars.  And we could have lost this game.  And the really good thing is, I don’t have to worry about losing my little card with the season schedule on it, because it’s plastered all over C’s back.

It’s going to be a long Autumn.

At least, I really, really hope so.

 

Posted in Family, Just life | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

Dogs, but no cats –

So okay.

Someone explain to me why this happens –

I’m doing the treadmill thing (did you know that exercise seems to be part of the prevention of dementia? Now what was I talking about?) watching as The News trots out hours and hours of water – first splashing then kind of gushing – coming over those storm walls in New Orleans. It’s after ten in the morning, but I’m getting a slow start and the house is dark enough, it seems more like six thirty in the morning—tropical storm moisture meets our northern cool air stream. And our air feels as wet as what I’m seeing on screen. Plus, our trees are blowing around in the dark out there like crazy.

I finish with the treadmill, and I have to see to the horses. They have a good barn. Metal, but good. I know they’ve had a colder than should be night, and they’ve got to eat. So before my breakfast, I gather keys, sunglasses (sunglasses??) and cell phone and I open the front door. Way dark out there. But not that cold. And not really that rainy. Yeah, I’m standing there in a T-shirt and exercise pants, but it really didn’t seem that bad. It was 100 degrees two days ago, for heck’s sake.

But I grab the old LLBean nor-easter rain coat hanging by the door just in case. And the second I step out the door, a new front roars in. I get to the car, and the rain starts pelting me. By the time I get to Center St. heading west, people are fleeing eastward from the lake like refugees, some pulling boats, everybody with their headlights smeared by the wind driven rain. For a second, the mist rising from the road took me right back to that microburst two years ago, and I had to fight down a moment of panic.

I decide not to climb the driveway gate and walk in, my usual MO in the summer. Get out of the car, fighting the wind, unlock the gate and have to swing it in hard against one of the pasture gates that had come open against it. Getting plastered from behind, soaked – thank you hood on that coat. Drive in down the long driveway, back in hard next to the barn door. Rain is turning to stinging hail. Wrestle the tall barn door open, then mash it closed. Enter the barn, and total cacophony. Hail against a steel roof. Amazing. Pounding, ringing, roaring. And the horses are all in the stalls – not waiting by the gate. Not pawing as they watch me come up the driveway. Huddling like sheep under that slamming din.

They are soaked. Dustin, who doesn’t do abrupt temp changes well, is shivering like a frightened dog. All of them are staring at me. If you own a dog or a horse, you know that look – you may not feel the ESP waves coming at you, but you suddenly want to hurry and feed somebody. Which is the only good way to warm up a horse.

Flash of lightening. Huge thunder. And I am standing in a metal barn. Or at least, I was standing in a metal barn. At this moment in the story (thunder still rolling) I am back in the car, safely propped up by rubber tires, calling Guy for his opinion on my chances of being fried alive out there. But the barn is grounded. And i love my horses. So back in I go – really fighting the door this time as the wind tried to take it from me. Alfalfa hay – just the ticket to keep people on their hooves when the going gets wet. Jetta, now that I am here—and especially after my abrupt and cowardly retreat—has now dug a huge hole in the ground, and is glaring at me.

So I feed them all, poor mud-colored, freaked out things. I run out to the end of the arena (not covered, thank you very much, and if it had been, the cover would have been half way to LA by then) to open the gates to the grass, and the second I turn to run back, another wave of screaming wind and smashing thunder hits. I am beginning to confuse the news with what’s happening here.

Okay. Driving back down the driveway with the wipers and the defroster on. Wrestling those gates down there again. Lock up, driving home. Pull into the neighborhood, and the rain just kind of peters out. By the time I’m in the driveway, the clouds take a break.

Done with me were they?

And the same thing happened yesterday. An old friend called, up here from Texas, and a bunch of us met in town to have our picture taken outside the infamous house we’d all lived in in college. The second we all got there and stood in line at the curb in front, a monsoon hit us. And the second we decided to leave, the rain stopped.

Crimany.

And so I demand that somebody explain this to me.

Does this always happen to you, too?

Post script: Nice to come home to a husband who finds me writing this up and tucks my brand new, very fluffy English saddle blanket around my feet so I won’t take a chill.

Posted in Just life | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments