~:: My Very Large House ::~

I have written about this before, the strange and expanding nature of my very large house. It starts with a cluster of not very large rooms.  Like these two, with a boy standing on the seam between them.

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And like this one—

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the one we build lately to handle the equally expanding family.  From this center, out go the hallways, some grassy ways, some broad ones, carpeted with asphalt and cement. One short grassy one leads to the loft where the tools and the water and the Christmas things are stored. A longer asphalt one leads to the wing that houses another cluster of rooms that belong to Cam and his family. Chaz’ rooms are just across the hall from Cam’s. You pass Rachel’s rooms on the way to these. Thankfully, there are bathrooms all along the way.

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But the longest hall leads between sunrise and sunset. At the end of it are the rooms of my father.  Halfway along it is this kitchen:

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This is the part of my house where my daughter lives, with her family.

I think I became surprised, as I grew past being a child, then past being the mother of children, then as a person with beloved friends, at the need for such a large house. But there it is. And I am astonished at the beauty in this place.  But going from rooms to rooms makes me just a tiny bit tired sometimes.

What follows is just a mess of images of last week’s Play With Ginna time – split between kitchens.

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Our house is a perfect parade route.  You can walk your pets around and around in eternal circles

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Sand is very serious about walking his worm. He did it for a good some twenty minutes. And to his credit, Max was with him most of the time.

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Next day after church, the family dinner.  Only Chaz was missing – because she was sick.

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I love these shots.  They look like lots of conversation.

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I’m not sure what was going through this little mind.

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Sand is very interested in dinner.

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And mom doesn’t move fast enough.

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The dogs, not interested in conversation, wait for us to get silly and drop things.

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We retire into the LL for running and talking –

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and music.

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And science.  Sand was learning how to slide. That involves physics.

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Scooter is also interested in physics.

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Most of the adults are more interested in talking.

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But not all of them.

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This is the deep satisfaction of advanced motherhood: when your children really enjoy each other.

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The founder of the feast.

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Cam took a lot of these, proving to me that I had no idea how to run my own camera.  I had suspected that for some time —

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This is the story of one odd slide. Sand had pretty well gotten the knack. Then—he came down and just sort of – plopped.  Just like this.  I mean, not like this.  This. And he simply stopped. So, after a moment, so did I.  I just plopped and stopped. And there were the two of us.

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And there we stayed.

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For quite a few moments.

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Then Sandy’d had enough.  Gone, he was.  But the nice moment had been noticed by another person—who decided plopping was worth a try.  And there we were, a new plopped pair.

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Later, this is all we would find of her: Boo locks protruding from a blanket.  A whole new take on plopping.

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Then the two cousins, realizing that no one had seen Tucker for a long, long time, went outside to call him. It took about fifteen minutes of this calling, during which time Tucker wisely stayed sitting on the hill in the back.

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And in the end, Cam pretty much collapsed. Collecting images is hot work.

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The next morning, before the sun knew we were awake, Gin and the boys and I were in the Prius (Is it on? Did you start the engine?) on our way back down south.

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Two excellent travelers. One patient, the other pretty darn tired.

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And here we are, in the place where my daughter opens her own bills.

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And Sand reacquaints himself with his old digs.

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This is the last bit.  I kept forgetting to shoot Sand in his new hat.  So I had to do it at the very end.  On the way to the airport.

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How stupid is it to have to fly from one side of your house to the other? One side of your heart to another.  Or maybe you just leave a piece of it in several places.  Wherever the truth lies, I can’t see myself settling into a small house for a long, long time.

Posted in Family, Fun Stuff, Gin, HappyHappyHappy, Images, The g-kids, The kids, Visits | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 40 Comments

~:: Never a Dull Moment ::~

I have this whole, insane load of craziness to record here. But Gin is coming, so I am dusting and washing and shaking out things in preparation for the visit of my lovely daughter and the boys.

Just a head’s up. Last week I had a fit of – I don’t know what. Feeling mushy. Like nothing I was doing meant anything.  And this is what happens when I feel that way: I DO something. Usually, actually, something I will regret later—like taking a load of things I’m tired of to Good Will (DI). That is how I lost a very dear family heirloom.

Beware of me.

This tree, over thirty years old, was getting grizzled—a bunch of dead branches on the lower trunk. I hated them.  Every time I looked at them, I reminded myself I had to do something about them. For years, I did this. So as an antidote to mushy, I stomped out to the garage, got down the scary pruning tools and proceeded to effect mayhem. I even put the dead branches in the back of the truck. No heirlooms were harmed.

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A day in the life: Thursday last.

First on the agenda: a meeting at Orren Hatch’s office. Met with Ron Dean, his Guy on the Ground, about a 700 acre marsh an environmental committee wants to put in three blocks away from thousands of houses down here. It would mean re-routing our river and providing habitat for about three billion mosquitos. After Rachel nearly lost her life to West Nile, the rest of us think this is a fairly dreadful idea.  Especially considering that there’s a very long OTHER side to the lake where nobody lives. The gloves of the People are coming off.

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G, setting up.

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The producer gives notes. Our strings are very good.  Our producers are very good.  Heck. our SOUND is very good.  I can claim no credit at all for this, except that i count the beans. But I get to hear it all go down, faintly, through my office wall.

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Poor Ray, stuck in the piano isolation room. He plays flute, clarinet, oboe, bassoon, recorder, piccolo—anything that counts as a woodwind, Ray plays brilliantly. And he’s a sweetheart.

Third: a film shoot in the LL (long, light – family – room) This took till about one in the morning.  Not business as usual, but delightful because I got to watch Cam at work, and I kibitzed.

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Cam’s Red camera.  Green screen. When you need to shoot actors and then overlay them on a more exotic location, you shoot against a green screen.

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My son. WOO HOO impressive to me.

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The dining room becomes wardrobe.

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In the rest of the room: what happened to the denizens of the place.

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Behind the green screen.

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I love these shots.  LOVE them.

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Cam directing.

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Wardrobe adjustment

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Yes. Directing. My kid.

Posted in Events, Family, friends, Fun Stuff, Making Things, The kids | Tagged , , , | 22 Comments

~:: Easter ::~

I am restless.  There are so many things I want to write down. So many shots I want to share. On the Sabbath, I tend to want to write things of a spiritual nature, but today I am so tempted to show off Andy and Scoots in our first second-generation bit of egg hunting.

I can’t.  Not today.

Today, I am so filled with  – where are the words for this? Amazement. Tears. This will not connect with some people I love, I know. It will sound—superstitious, maybe? Like chasing fantasies. But for the others, the ones who have felt this same thing, this inexplicable, heart-breaking gratitude I will only be saying what they already know.

That there is a God. That our lives have meaning – now and past now. That we are capable of miracles, small and large.  And that we do them every day on some level. That this whole thing: breathing, earth, spring, the stars, the exact and delicate balance of gravity and the same of radiation from the sun – the elegant lines of our fellow creatures, the inexpressible nature of love – that all of these things are gifts.

And the Son of God, knowing that we would fail a million times in our lives, fall short, turn the world to mirrors, grab the last cookie, eat that one square of chocolate that turns into three – and worse – that he would take the chance of participating in birth and childhood and love.

And death.  Of the most amazing and horrible kind: at the hands of the ones you love.

I waste too many words.  He was about thirty two. Ginna is thirty two. It’s nothing, thirty two years. If you read Cori’s piece, that’s how I feel. That anyone would love me so much, he would die – so that he understood (what a word that is) this experience he set us completely.  So that he could make up for the flaws, the difference, the desperate emptiness we protect so severely.

But more, that he has done this for people who are precious to me. It’s a gift I couldn’t give them, that love, that safety.

So for me, this is a day of horror and gratitude. Now I’ve got to go lead the hymns that will make me cry. I don’t understand any of this, really – it’s something way past what I can conceive of. Because I’m just little.  But I know when I’m loved. And I’m so grateful.

To the living God, to Jesus the Christ, I say it. I say thank you.

Posted in Explanations, HappyHappyHappy, holidays | Tagged | 20 Comments

~:: Why We Can Never Be Bored ::~

First, I would like to offer you a profound treat. As part of your preparation for Easter (not the chickie and bunny part, but the heart-stopping love part), I refer you to a lovely piece of writing done by one of my dear friends, Cori. What a woman. What a perspective.

Second, I’m going to complain about how there aren’t enough hours in the day. I cannot seem to do all the basic things (for me: treadmill, horse-feeding, dog-wrangling, shower, keeping track of the money, turning writing into books, preserving the past, planning for the future and loving people) much less remember the holidays more than twelve hours before they happen, knit camels and other beasts, read swell novels, write about them, blog- and the rest of it. Personally, I think days should be elastic—defined by what wants to be done in them rather than by suns and clocks and schedules.

Third, some images from the past couple of days:

Yesterday 

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This Morning

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Posted in Images, Seasons, snow | 23 Comments

~:: How We Captured a Duck ::~

Back in the saddle (not literally). Slept through a million odd dreams, hours’ and hours’ worth. Woke up feeling more like myself. Dressed for the pasture. Greeted the dogs. Checked my mail. Put my phone in my pocket and my hat on, shooed the dogs out the door and closed it firmly behind me.

Then realized that I did not have my keys.

G was gone, babysitting while Cam took Lorri to the airport for a very early flight. So I looked for the Hidden Key. The Hidden Key has been hidden in the same place for about twenty years. I hadn’t realized till that moment: the same place is now deep under the new family room. Good thing it was a beautiful spring morning.

But that is not the promised story. Here it is: this is before I left for SF. It was, in fact, Sunday last. G was sitting by the fire, reading, when he heard a strange little scrabbling sound coming from the stovepipe cleanup door. (Have I mentioned that we heat the house with a natural gas free-standing stove? We do. And the cleanout door is a tiny door at the base of the back of the chimney. And the chimney is in the new room.)

“Hmmmm,” he said to himself. “It sounds like something’s in there.” It was a reasonable conclusion, considering that a starling had fallen down that chimney once years ago. I, myself, would have been scared it might be a rat (in spite of the fact that there is no precedent for that whatsoever).  But he, having a healthier imagination, went in and opened that tiny door just a wee bit for a look-see.

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The first thing he saw was this eye.  This bright, round, worried duck eye.

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So he closed the door and yelled for me.  He found a big, nice bucket for transporting a hysterical duck, and we positioned ourselves.

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But G got in the way so I couldn’t shoot him actually putting his gloved mits around the duck and drawing him/her out of that chimney.  She/he was flapping a little bit, so into the bucket she/he went – and we took her outside.  I’ve decided on “her.”  She had smacked her bill against the rough stones on the way down, but her wings seemed fine.

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The dogs were not aware of all this and were busily saying vile things to people taking a peaceful Sunday stroll down the street, so we were safe in the back.

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And here is our captive.  What an odd idea, really.  I mean, I can imagine a starling sitting at the top of a chimney and, have been overcome by smoke, toppling into the hole.  But a duck?  When there’s that whole river in the back yard?  Which only goes to show you that people with too much imagination and adventure in their souls can wind up in difficult places.

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When that happens, they can only hope their captors are friendly and gentle and kind and will reinsert them into a more pleasant element.

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And the only loss?  Maybe a tail feather or two.

The last picture, you will have to imagine.  That beautiful little wood duck, once Guy had dropped her over the fence into the bracken, was down the bank and into the water in a flash, and then flying straight up river, a foot above the water – wings whipping up a fountain of shining drops.  Soon out of sight.

All’s well that ends well.

Posted in Fun Stuff, Minutiae, The outside world | Tagged , | 25 Comments

~:: What Happened on Monday ::~

First, may I say that I am growing to hate capchas of any kind with a deep and abiding hatred?  Well, I am.  And the darned things are getting longer. Isn’t there another way? Counter-bots that follow the dang spammers back to their nests and blow up?

I’m afraid I might be in a sort of foul mood.

Here is what happened this week:

Wait. No. Here is what happened last week.  When did we go to Gin’s last? The second of March.  Right. That was twenty days ago?  We flew. It was short. But as always when I get back from being anywhere, I have this ghost left in the back of my mind, and when I think about doing anything, it says, “but you better hurry, because you have to leave next week.”  When I don’t have to leave.  When I have all the time in the world, it still says that.  It makes me nuts.  So I said to G last week: “Tell me I don’t have to go anywhere next week.”  And he did.  But now I can never trust him again.

Because of children.  Because being a mother is knowing that, whatever you think you know – you don’t.  Whatever you think you are going to do, you won’t be. Whatever you don’t plan WILL HAPPEN TO YOU.

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Driving through the woods on a frozen morning

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There are tooth aberrations in my father’s line. As of about five years ago, he still had at least one lateral incisor that was still a baby tooth.  You know that expression, “long in the tooth”? Well, he is, but that tooth isn’t. Long. But old, yes. And I inherited this. I had – I don’t remember – one? Two? Baby teeth without adults to follow. And some of my kids had the problem.  But Murph? Five.  FIVE TEETH that came without replacement parts.

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Please note the cliff at the edge of that icy turn up ahead. And Chaz’ pink Foster Grants, the burden of a true cos-player.

Braces shifted my whole set of teeth around so you almost can’t tell I’m tooth deficient. They pulled the baby ones and crowded all the other teeth into them. But you can’t shift around as many teeth as Murphy has to deal with before you’d have to slap a brass plaque on his chin announcing that his mouth had actually been designed as an abstract impression of the Rocky Mountains. So we always knew that implants loomed in his future.

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I was once a dental assistant. It lasted for a year. I assisted in deep bone surgeries and easy restorations and root canals, but mostly, I just made appointments and paid bills. During that time I conceived a deep disregard for prosthetics like cap and bridge. Especially bridge: what is the point of destroying two perfectly good and very personally shaped teeth so you can fill in between them? Implants speak to me.

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But you have to have jaw bone to screw them into.  Jawbone is shy.  Sort of a use-it-or-lose-it affair. If you don’t keep it healthy, your teeth start to drop out of it like apples out of the sky on a warm autumn afternoon. Adult teeth that burrow their roots in the right places are not a problem. Baby teeth that outstay their welcome are.  So when Murphy began to have pain in one of his teeth, went to a local dentist and found out the baby tooth was dying an ugly death, we knew that the final process of building Murphy an adult mouth had just precipitously begun. And since Gin’s Dr. Kris has sworn to make it happen, there is where we had to go.

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It was Murphy’s job to shoot this as I drove. This is why he likes driving.  So I can shoot my own darned stuff.

Murph had to drop everything and travel down to Santa Fe right away. Before the jaw bone decided to recycle itself and disappear. Things being what they were, he was determined to drive himself. Mothers being what they are, I couldn’t let him do that. Chaz being what she is, she wasn’t about to let two weary people weave their ways south through the mountains without the company of a responsible adult. So suddenly: ROAD TRIP.

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Never mind the fact that the second worst blizzard of the year was also scheduled for Monday, we threw our stuff into the Highlander and headed for the adventure.

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Eleven hours down, through two blizzards. One day running around town. Eleven hours back the next day.  I am now sitting on the couch pretending to be sick. This morning, I found a massage person who lives three blocks away, got her to work the kinks out of my neck and shoulders and driving arms and gas peddle leg, and I’m waiting for two days’ supply of Dr. Pepper to drain out of my system so I can stop traveling in my head and finally sleep.

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Warm, oblivious Sully.

We had a ton of fun. Grave discussions of all aspects of existence. Terrible puns.  Hamburgers. Life-threatening conditions. Cute Sandy. Cute Max. Native American treasures. Sully. The mouth-dropping beauty of red rock. Santa Fe trip as ususal.  And they read one of my manuscripts to me all the way down and back, thus doing for me the work I had planned for this week—only much better than I’d have done it alone. I am still lost in the magic of that story and the rhythm of the road. And I am one tired little old lady.

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Gin is actually taking professional, dentist like pictures.  She is not just taking advantage of her brother’s undignified moments.

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Ummm. I, on the other hand, AM taking advantage.

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This is Murphy again, trying to get a shot of the magnificent Shiprock. Maybe next time.

Once again, may I celebrate the blessing of useful children who take care of each other? In the end, this is the greatest of all things: that those you’ve invested in, invest in each other.  That we should all make God that kind of proud. (read that last bit with a bit of Yiddish)

Posted in A little history, Family, Gin, Journeys, Seasons, snow, The g-kids, The kids, The outside world, whining | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

~:: And Where Did They Bury the Caucus? ::~

And this: go look at my giveaway and enter to WINNNNN!  Giving away a hard back copy of Breaking Rank!

Here are some awful (I am NO good with this phone) shots of our only actual snow storm of the year, two weeks ago. This is when we got up at four in the morning to make a flight to Santa Fe, not realizing that we’d be the only snow plow on the freeway. This is what we saw that morning as we opened the door to haul our bags to the car:

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Didn’t look like too much here.  But on the roads it was deadly.

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And you have to realize that we’d had NO snow in the valley all winter.  Rachel told me that the day we left, the snow was up to her boot tops when she went out to feed the horses.  Two days later we came home and there wasn’t a trace of the stuff left.

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Now, I challenge you to understand what you’re seeing here.  That deer-in-an-oval is hanging straight down before your eyes.  But there’s some optical illusion going on with it, and I’ll play with that when I get back from this stupid drive to Santa Fe we’re doing Monday – through the only other snowstorm we’ve had.

And now, the actual blog:

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Have I mentioned the fact that I hate sitting still? No. Let me amend that: if I’m the one talking, or if I’m watching something that involves words and that fascinates me (like a movie or, far more rarely, an incredibly good class), I can sit. Otherwise, like when I’m compelled by duty (to faith or family or something as binding, like traffic school), I can hold myself in place by white-knuckling the edges of my chair.  Or by playing Sudoku.  I can listen and play Sudoku at the same time.  Mostly.

It’s obedience and faith that can hold me through the LDS series of Sunday worship meetings, all three hours’ worth.  (Worship meeting, Sunday school, women’s auxiliary).  But since I feel neither obedience nor faith to or in any government, political meetings usually don’t even see me darken the door. Unless I’ve got an axe to grind.

Many years ago (four?), I went to my first caucus meeting. I have no idea what possessed me—probably the word “caucus” which is so puzzling, so reminiscent of something a locust casts off, or some sea floor scuttling thing. I dragged Murphy with me, ostensibly for his education.  Actually, so I’d have a sympathetic ear for my sotto kibitzing.

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Pictures of this year’s caucus. I have helpfully put black dots over the heads of people who are friends. There are no dots over the heads of people I don’t know.  If you see a heart in any of these, I’m married to that guy. (snicker) Here is the sad thing: I had color balanced all of these, saving them apart from the originals. Unfortunately, I put the dots on the un-corrected shots. So.  Sorry.

It was awful.  An awful experience. Once of the most deadly boring things I’d ever done in MY ENTIRE LIFE. Finding the room was kind of a mess.  They’d scheduled it in one of the most ancient schools in the city (a junior high, since completely razed and rebuilt as a grammar school), a rabbit warren of hallways.  And when we finally found the place (“Is this the republican room?  Or the other kind?), there were maybe twelve to fourteen people in it.  Which meant no anonymity in sneaking out again.  The chairman was a neighbor, a very nice man; serious, responsible.  But no ringmaster. He started the meeting late (hoping someone else would show up, I expect) and then proceeded to read, word by ponderous word, the entire Republican Platform.

 (Let me say here that many LDS people are republicans. But there are also LDS democrats – I know because I love some, personally. Frankly, I have no idea how they can be LDS and vote the way they do.  And they have no idea how I can be LDS and vote the way I do. Which makes for a very nice balance that keeps us from getting just a little too self-satisfied and formulaic.)

 I was having flashbacks, sitting there in those junior high-sized desks.  Trapped by government obligation. The big, stark clock on the wall with hands that moved with awful torpidity. We gave it an hour (no bell rang) and finally elected our friend, Steve, as a delegate. Then, with no subtlety whatsoever, I grabbed Murphy and we made our escape. And never went to any such meeting ever again.

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Till this year. This year, somehow, the caucus become the Party-to-Go-to. People had signs on their lawns.  Computers called us (over and over and over) in case we might have forgotten about it.  Poster-sized card-stock notices were crammed into our mailbox.  And Dawn wrote about hers.  So okay.  We decided to give it one more go.

And wow, was this a different experience. We had a hard time finding the door (in a different, newer, but still warren-like series of hallways) because of the mass of people crowding the place.  Like trying to get on Peter Pan at Disneyland.  Our precinct (I felt SO New York, being in a precinct) met in the school library, and we crammed the place.  One hundred and thirty seven people showed up in that room alone. Dozens of neighbors we know well.  Dozens more we know marginally.  The chairman was succinct, funny and VERY good at working a room.

When they were passing out paper ballots, I jumped up to help and earned the position of Vote Counter for the rest of the evening.  So I didn’t have to sit still hardly at all.  It was great and very American: we all spoke out of turn, were free with our jibes and catcalls, laughed ourselves silly.  We got to ask probing questions about our nominees’ political views, a revealing experience when the noms are neighbors you’ve known for years and worked with at church.  (REALLY?  You feel like THAT?) And Some people had brought their teenaged kids (most of whom were personal friends of mine – the kids I mean). And I ran around the room all night, handing out ballots, collecting and counting and votes, and yelling sly things from the back.

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It was actually great fun.  I was even nominated as a county delegate.  But I declined; I am much more happy and effective as classroom monitor, thank you very much.

So, I don’t know.  I think making your voice heard is way fun when you’re in a room full of people you like and trust.  It all felt – very American.  That’s my brand, you know.  American.  Mouthy, pushy, opinionated, outraged but quick to pitch in where it’s needed.  Brands: LDS,  Mom, Teacher, Horsewoman, Genealogist, Friend., G’s other half, American.

I may not appraise for much, but you know – I’m think I’m really fine with that.

Posted in Events, friends, Just talk, The outside world | Tagged , , , | 24 Comments

~:: The Tale of a Grey Bird ::~

I will tell you that I, having decided to educate my children myself for as long as I could, waded into teaching them to read with naïve confidence.  And backed out of it astonished at the complexity of the job. First, you have to teach them to recognize the shape of a letter and label it with a name.  You have to be careful, explaining that letters have wrong wayness and upside-downness – that every part of the shape counts.

Yeah, we teach them the alphabet song.  But what meaning is in it?  The song gives letters an order that really has nothing to do with making words.  And it really doesn’t tie the shapes to the names.

Even tying names to shapes isn’t the meat of the learning, because the names only hint at the real meaning behind the symbol: that shape indicates sound.  And some shapes actually can indicate several sounds.

From there, you have to move to the idea of making a string of letters – and thus a string of sounds that have to fade into one another the way one musical note in a melody does into the next – and that words do not not always mean concrete things, but also feelings, actions, ideas –

Every one of us has learned these things, one way or another – because the adults around us made the effort and took the time to teach us.  Think of the immense complexity of the learning a child does in his first four years.  Balancing on hands and knees.  Learning to stand, and then to move.  And so many other startling truths we’ve forgotten we once didn’t know.

Some years ago at the local university, some person made it departmental policy that all children’s books including talking animals should be shunned.  Such a book just wasn’t realistic; children need to be brought up to the real world, not some fantasy place full of anthropomorphized animals. (anthro=people morph=form) Ah, the wisdom of those who feel themselves educated.

Science likes to make pronouncements. What I love are the studies you hear about every so often: “Children who are brought up with reasonable discipline have been found to be more successful in school!”  Or: the consumption of sugar has been found to contribute to obesity.  Or: if you drop something, it will, according to recent studies, fall downward. I know that you have heard this kind of thing on the news.  Tell me that you haven’t rolled your eyes at least once and said, “Gosh. Really?????”

But once in a while, you hear something that knocks your socks off, and that is what I want to write about here: my mental bare feet. It happened some years ago.  And I’m willing to bet, though I don’t really remember now, that it was a segment on American Scientific Frontiers Alan Alda had gone bird watching—in the lab of Dr. Irene Pepperberg, a theoretical chemist (as I recall) who had deserted chemistry for something far less scientifically acceptable: the study of animal intelligence.

Long held scientific strictures concerning animals indicates that they are not actually all that intelligent, not the way human beings are.  That they are driven by program (call it instinct if you like) and not remotely by “intent,” having no sense of self.  Remember the crack I made in the last post about people without families writing about them? I have to assume that scientists must not be, in the main, people who live with animals.

Animals can’t learn concepts like same and different.  They can’t understand counting, numbers, color.  Of course, beasts and birds don’t have a lot of motivation for counting things.  They don’t keep inventories so they call sell to other people; they don’t need to keep track of their property (or if they do, they have a much more available method of doing it); they don’t have to pay taxes.  But we take the absence of their doing these things for an indication that they can’t do them.  The same way you’d have to assume that all the people who were born before the harpsichord was invented were incapable of playing a keyboard.

But my opinion isn’t worth much.  I read all those damaging, anthropomorphizing kids’ books as I grew up. We were so naïve back then – Black Beauty. Call of the Wild. And I watched Lassie, too. And My Friend Flicka, and Flipper. So my perspective is terribly warped.

I once secretly spied on Scout, our escape-artist Collie, who was way down the yard— preparing to climb the fence and be gone. Before he put paw to fence, I watched him pause, then take a long, deliberate, appraising look over his shoulder at the house.  I was so warped by then that I actually assumed he, knowing good and darned well he was NOT supposed to climb the fence, was checking first to make sure nobody was watching him.

Silly me.

That experience Alan Alda had in Dr. Pepperberg’s lab? It had us both scraping our jaws off the floor. The doctor has started her research with a year old African Gray, bought at some random pet store.  She hadn’t even picked the bird herself; the clerk had picked it for her, all in the name of impartial science.  How could she have known that, thirty one years later, she and this feathered “colleague” would end up doing that could whip up a firestorm in the scientific community.

Parrots.  They only pick up what you say and then they repeat it. Like Pete the Repeating Bird, the toy I did NOT get for Murphy for Christmas when he was six. They don’t really know what the words mean.  At least, that’s what everyone who has NOT owned such a parrot has thought through the ages.

All she set out to do was to try to find out what is really inside the mind of an animal by teaching one to talk so he could tell her.

This is the short bit of a long interview at Massachusetts School of Law. Part of a series about significant women and their work.  It’s about Alex’s number reasoning. The rest of the interview is linked at the end of this piece.

So by now, you’ve noticed that I’ve posted a few YouTube moments here for you.  I took a lot of time finding the good ones and harvesting the links. Most of you never follow my links – you lunks.  What, you don’t believe I find cool stuff that you’ll get a kick out of seeing?  But I hope you watch these, because they are astonishing, astounding, and somehow, deeply spiritual.  And still shots are not going to make you understand why I am so deeply moved and intellectually provoked by all this.

G and I just read Alex and Me, Dr. Pepperberg’s personal account of her work with an animal that can live sixty years.  This is not a scientific work, but her human story. And what we read there – wow.

Here is a short working clip: the two of them in the lab.  Not the highest quality – just a record of the work. Still amazing.
This one is more professionally put together.

I remember, after seeing the Alda piece, thinking – if all the people in the world could realize that the self of an animal is just as real as the self of a human being – we would all be deeply, horribly ashamed and embarrassed by the way we have treated our furry/feathery brethren.

What she did was take the time to teach a fellow creature the things we teach our own children: what the world is made of, and how to use words to function with other minds.

The most brain-reaming thing she reported about her work was this: after long work with Alex establishing a lexicon (a list of words you both can use to communicate concepts), and after teaching concepts like number, symbolism, types of matter, color, similarity and difference, Dr. Pepperberg offered Alex a tray with  a small refrigerator magnet number 7 on one side of it and four large blue blocks on the other.  Then she asked him,  “What bigger?”

It was a tricky question.  One little number symbol.  Four large blocks.  I’m sure Alex would have loved to have been able to ask her any number of qualifying questions before he answered.  What he finally said was simply, “Seven.”  She had to do the exercise again and again, using “small” numbers and more blocks, “larger” numbers with fewer blocks.  Most of the time, Alex showed her that he understood that the number symbol meant an actual number of things, and keeping that number in mind, compared it to the number of blocks, unfooled by their actual size.  And came up with an answer.  Can your four year old do this?

If you are not shocked by now, I must assume it is because you have never tried to teach a child how to count, or how to associate letter shapes with sounds.

I think we adults often don’t even give our children credit for having minds. So often, the manifestation of their intelligence ends up being a little trying and a lot inconvenient.

Seeing the results of Dr. Pepperberg’s work just changes the shape of the world for me.  I have actually heard people say that beating a horse, or riding him with spurs is no big deal because “they don’t feel pain like we do.”  I believe that slave owners in the south once said the same of their field workers.  But I have seen a mosquito land lightly on the broad back of a horse, and the horse immediately shift his entire skin to fling the thing off.  A creature that can feel the touch of microscopic feet can certainly feel whip end of pain.

I guess there’s a larger truth here, too.  That we really know very little about the world around us.  About each other.  How other people may see exactly the same things we do – but perceive them very differently.  I believe in truth.  But I also believe that we adults aren’t as acquainted with it as we long to believe we are.   Anyway, there you are. I’d love to know what you make of all this.  If it’s as surprising to you as it was to me.

This is the long story – it’s an interview that I think is about an hour long.  Very interesting and covers just about everything.

This is the last one.  Not long – but poignant.

Posted in IMENHO (Evidently not humble), Just talk, The outside world | 20 Comments

~:: Milestones 2012 ::~

Last weekend, this person and I jetted down to Santa Fe for a special occasion: the eighth birthday and subsequent baptism of our very first grandchild.

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I don’t think I ever really saw myself with grandchildren – not till they happened.  Till Max happened. For that matter, I really don’t think I ever saw myself with children. I think the sum total of my young future visions stopped with the fairytale formula: finding the prince/best friend/soul mate and living happily ever after. Not that I didn’t assume there would inevitably be children and a house and domestic chaos; even if I had been born in a barn (which is a possibility—my mother asked me about that often enough) I’d have picked up on those elements.

I just never visualized myself with them. And I never hankered after them. The brutal truth is that I hated babysitting. H-a-t-e-d it. Only the money seduced me into it. Let me warn you: do not hire me to watch your children (have I written this before?).

Nobody warned me what it would be like. Oh – they will always warn you about noise and brattyness and bedlam; people who tend to live on coasts and make mass media about families without actually having one are always very clear on these points.

I simply had no idea how fiercely I would love my children. How they would drive me crazy in a million ways—love, worry, hope, empathy. People who love to talk about education never talk about this: how the child is the school, and the parent the learner.  That I would be so swallowed up, I’d brave pregnancy a second time, then a third and a fourth, just for the privilege of waiting at the gate with a baseball glove on both hands, wondering who would get tossed into my arms this time.

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Small children are the hardest for me: I love looking at them.  I love talking to them. Mostly when their parents are around though. I am still not a babysitter. I am more willing to teach them writing and trigonometry than I am to fill hours will blocks and tiny pretends and sub-English communication. This makes me a lousy grandmother, I think. Not like Kathy, Gin’s other mother, who is warm and patient and willing to do any and all selfless things. Around her, I am a squib. I felt that way about being a mommy, too.

But I invested everything in my children. The hours, the passion, the work, the heart. Children are the hardest, most magnificent and creative work I ever did, will ever have done. And every minute, both the wonderful ones and the pure slog—utterly, eternally worth it. I raised up unto myself friends who will last forever. The grandchildren are simply an amazing fringe benefit.

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And then – here we are, observing fat, backyard rabbits at my kid’s house.

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And filling our arms with this person.

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These people.

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We were treated to a fine guitar concert.  You will note that this is a nylon string guitar, and that this child is playing classical guitar.

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He and his dad both, learning the finer skills, weaving strings of individual notes together into a baroque miracle.

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Some of us listened.

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Some of us played our own things.

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This light was so warm, so glowing.

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The next morning, I was brought awake violently.  Just through the wall of my room, some people were listening to VERY loud, busy music, underscored by this weird, unending noise – as if they were making hundreds and hundreds of smoothies in hundreds and hundreds of blenders.  This, I learned, is the sound of “spinning.”  If you look, you will see the “trainers” under the back wheels of the bikes. These allow a rider to go very fast for miles and miles and miles without ever leaving his house.

By the time I dragged myself out of bed, these two must have done ten miles, easy.  I came out of the room, carrying things I could throw at them. But they were so cute, I couldn’t do it.

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You will note that the miles were wearing Max down a bit.

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Yep.  Wearin’ him right out.

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Out.

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But in a surprising moment of bravery and character, up he popped and on he went.

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And the next day, we were off to church for the big moment.

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The three men, all dressed up and ready to go.

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The little family – a terrible shot taken in the hallway before the moment.

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A better shot, taken inside the room.  All ready to go.

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Every time I tried to shoot the proud mother, the unconcerned younger brother managed to express himself.

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Finally, and wonderfully – before a crowd of earnest young friends and loving older ones.  And it was done.  The father blessing his oldest son.  Beautiful words said.  Beautiful songs sung.  Mama played a flute duet with a buddy. Dear friends were there in all good heart.

Then it was time for the grandparents to go home.  The funnest part of this is that all us grandfolks got to come at the same time in the same plane.  We drove through a terrible snow storm at five in the morning to get to the airport so we could come to this (freeways not even plowed), and then through sixty degree sunshine on our way home from that same airport.  We had a great time together, all of us.  We always do.

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But sometimes, I guess we wear out little ears . . . 

Here is a true thing: when you are with a child, especially outside, you will hear birds you’d forgotten were there, hear the bark of a dog three blocks away, know an airplane is flying miles above your head, see color.  You will remember your own big moments – what it was like when the milestones happened in your life.  I have always thought of myself as the children’s life-tour guide, but it is not so; the children showed me the wonder of now, here, this place.

I think they taught me to be alive.

Posted in Events, Family, Fun Stuff, Gin, HappyHappyHappy, Journeys, The g-kids, The kids, Visits | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 39 Comments

~:: Saturday ::~

I cannot write. So much crowding my little brain – rants about my hatred of politics, philosophical unravellings of the universe, book reviews, squeals in response to cuteness, speculations about the nature of the human mind and fingering weight yarn. I could howl about the limitations of the space time continuum, and a do a ripping followup on my resentment of entropy.  But I can’t.  I am brain-exhausted.

All I have been doing is learning the ins and outs of ebook publishing, which is more arcane than you can imagine. Some of you. Not that you can’t imagine it – but that you wouldn’t waste the time.

That and finishing the yearly project. And discovering Lynda.com tech training, through which I am finally learning how to do the things in Photoshop I’ve been doing the hard way for the last five years. Plenty of “Are you KIDDING me?” and “THAT’s how you do it!” moments. I have been, in short, living at my desk. Seeing no one, except on our trip to Santa Fe, and spending no money, except on our trip to Santa Fe. Until this morning.

This morning when I got home after feeding the beasts (stumbling stupidly through the chill morning – it’s good I only drive a country mile to get there), I opened the door of my house to find this person in it:

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These people, actually. Andy dressed in flannel clouds, Scoots in small bright cars.

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They invaded the kitchen.  Do you see the small anime character beside the sink?

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Hoping to coerce this man

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and this one, also, to cook pancakes for them.  Pancakes with chocolate chips and squirty cream.  There is nothing I love so much as men who wear aprons and mean it.

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Waiting.

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And then chasing it all down with milk. “Well, Scooter – how did you like. . . oh. You need a minute, there, do you?”

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I followed them outside into the warming morning as they left and noticed these.  Then I came back into the house and wasn’t there more than two minutes before there was yet another knock at the door.

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It was this person.

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When the apron came off, this bearded man (who had been dressed like this the entire time) and this young buck broke out the bikes and went a journey toward the mountain.

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Here is a dog who dreams of bringing down a wild bike with only his teeth.

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This morning, it was not to be.

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Though both dogs did their best to chase down those bikes on the other side of the fence. After that, I had treadmill time planned.  But here came another person, jockeying her way in through the front door with a slightly clicky key.

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Also dressed for biking. I was the only one desk bound today, I think, in the entire world. Anyway, I have no tight black pants.

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I am also not a super-hero.  But I did make some headway in my learning.  Some.  And I had some chocolate – which made up for everything else.

Posted in Family, Fun Stuff, The g-kids, Uncategorized | 44 Comments